What would Daniel Webster say if he was alive today?

Aaaaahhh Yeeeeaaaahhhh! The Web just chillin by this column here. Clockin’ all the girlies. Ah yeah! They look, they smile, they want a response from the ol’Web. But the Web don’t play that. The Web gives them the old stone face. And they should take it and like it. Ah yeah! Can’t blame them. How can they not look? I got the bushy eyebrows. I got the receding hairline. I got my jacket about two sizes too small. I’m the bizomb!!!! Admit it. You want a piece of the Web. But can’t have any. You can’t handle the Web because the Web would blow your mind. Ah yeah. Stonefaced Orator, Represent!!!!