My Salem, Mass. weekend adventure.

The wife and I spent the weekend up in Salem for a friends wedding. If you have not ever been to Salem, here's a way for you to live vicariously through me.

1. The traffic on i-95 between Boston and Salem is awful. It's only about 30 miles, but it takes an hour to travel that distance. On a highway. Beware and plan accordingly.

2. The street in Salem were designed by Satan. They don't list this in the tourism brouchures, but you can tell just by driving on them. Streets disappear and reappear on the other side of town. You'll have the same road on both sides of town too and most roads have two names, like 114 and Derby Ave. And they have blinking green lights. What do blinking green lights mean? Darned if I know? Oh, and cars are supposed to stop in for pedestrians at all times.

3. That being said, the touristy part of Salem is very walkable. And to help you out, there is a red line painted on the side walk to take you past all the famous locations.

4. Of course, if you walk outside the touristy locations, you run the risk of being corraled by the cops and accused of buying drugs. This is no lie, it happened to a friend of mine. He was wandering the city, wasting time before he had to get ready for the wedding. All of a sudden he stopped by a patrolman. Then an interrogation began.

"So, are you here to buy drugs?"

"No."

"What are you doing in town?"

"I'm here for a wedding."

"Are you here to buy drugs for after the wedding?"

"No."

"Who do you know in town?"

"No one."

"Where's Rudy?"

"Rudy?"

"You know, a redhaired man about your height?

"I don't know anyone by that name or description>"

"So, are you here to buy drugs? You match a description of somebody who was seen buying drugs"

"No."

"Who were you talking to on the phone?" (My friend was on the phone with me before he got stopped by the cop)

"A friend."

"So, are you here to by drugs?"

Then the cop made my friend empty out his pockets and put the contents on the hood of the squadcar. When he found no drugs, he let my friend go.

Salem P.D.. Keeping the Salem safe from drugs by hassling lost tourists and asking for Rudy.

I never got an answer if my friend actually bought any drugs. If he did, he didn't share them with us.

I didn't ask if he now knew what the witches felt like, either.

5. There is a comic shop just around the corner from our hotel called Harrison's Comics. It is one of the best comic stores I have ever seen. Come for the witches, come back for the comic shop.

6. We only ate at two restaurants so far here. One was Rockafellas. We had a mixed reaction to that. The wife and I ate their on Friday and it was excellent. Great service, great food (I recommend the Day After sandwich, Turkey, Stuffing and Cranberry Chutney with a side of gravy.). Yesterday, we went there and had the worst time availiable. The waitress was unbelievably bad. She couldn't split the checks, she couldn't make my wife iced coffee (After the man who waited on us the day before offered to make her some), she talked over people who were ordering and she got more than one order screwed up, and took away food from us before we were done eating. We begrudgingly gave her a 10% tip. I would have preferred to give nothing.

7. The other place was the Salem Beer Works. Strongly recommended for all you lushes out there. And the food was good too.

8. I am amazed that Salem has become a tourist mecca over one event that happened over 300 years ago. Don't get me wrong, it does have great historical importance. But Salem was not the only place that killed people suspected of witchcraft. And the events could support one museum recounting events, but Salem has at least two, if not more. And for a town that was hellbent on getting rid of witches, it is ironic the it has now become the thriving local of witchcraft in all its forms.

All in all, we had a great time, had the opportunity to spend time with friends, and see a friend get married.