Bill's Insomniac Comic Re-Dialogue Theater: Mighty Avengers #11

Hello all,

By now, you should have heard about the controversy that Brian Michael Bendis' dialogue for Dr. Doom in a recent Mighty Avengers caused. Here it is if you missed it.

 

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Ouch! Fat Piece of Furniture? Cow mouth? Whore's Heart? This does not sound like the Doom we all know and love!

Anyway you slice it, it is still a pretty bad piece of dialogue. And what's especially odd is that Bendis usually is pretty good with dialogue.

Kevin Church has a more Doom worthy dialoguing effort. But I believe we should go in a different direction. Not only should Doom speak out of character, but he should speak as an entirely different character:

 

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Victor Von Doom as played by Corky St. Clair. I think this is what Bendis was going for.

I mock the June 2008 Marvel solicitations (and one from Image too)

Yes, today, instead of reading for my classes tomorrow, I am doing a little blogging. I'll mock Image first because it is shorter:

WAR HEROES #1 (OF 6) GEM OF THE MONTH
story MARK MILLAR
art & cover TONY HARRIS

THE WRITER OF CIVIL WAR, THE ULTIMATES, KICK ASS AND WANTED! THE ARTIST OF STAR MAN, EX MACHINA AND SPIDER-MAN: GREAT POWER! TOGETHER AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME! If you've been wondering what MARK MILLAR had planned for ULTIMATES 3, then wonder no more this is it! The mind that reinvented superheroes for the 21st Century joins forces with one of comicdom's best artists to chart new courses for superhero action in a series that will definitely be one of the most talked about of the year!

JUNE 25 32 PAGES FC $2.99

• Several questions about this series: 1) Why isn't this at Icon? 2) If Mark Millar had a storyline planned for Ultimates 3, why didn't he do Ultimates 3? Because, you know, it would have been better that way. 3) So, Millar planned to replace Hitch with Harris for the third series? Really?

Now, Marvel:

SKAAR: SON OF HULK #1
Written by Greg Pak
Pencils & 50/50 Cover by RON GARNEY
50/50 Variant Cover by Carlo Pagulayan
Variant Cover by BORIS VALLEJO AND JULIE BELL
Born in fire. Raised by monsters. Destined to destroy. On an alien planet shattered by war, no one is stronger than Skaar, the savage Son of Hulk. But as a Fillian warlord, an Imperial princess, and a mysterious Earthman spread chaos through the wastelands, will Skaar save the puny survivors -- or smash them? Another epic fever dream from Greg Pak, writer of "Planet Hulk" and World War Hulk" -- featuring the return of legendary Hulk artist Ron Garney!

32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Is it just me, or does this seem like a sci-fi Mad Libs verion of a solicitation? (Action)__________ in (force of destruction)__________. Points for Vallejo and Bell on covers, though.

MARVEL ILLUSTRATED: THE THREE MUSKETEERS #1 (of 6)
Written by ROY THOMAS (BASED ON THE NOVEL BY ALEXANDRE DUMAS)
Penciled by HUGO PETRUS
Cover by GERALD PAREL
Paris, 1625. A young man called d'Artagnan, after a series of misadventures, attempts to join the King's elite fighting force-The Musketeers! Joined by Porthos, Aramis and Athos, the four make short work of the Crown's adversaries. But little do they know, the evil Cardinal Richelieu is creating a counter force to the Musketeers, one which may soon challenge the power of the French throne itself! The latest title in the Illustrated line reunites the creative team which brought you the much-lauded adaptation of The Man in the Iron Mask. All for one and one for all!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• Ah, Marvel's Illustrated line! Keeping Roy Thomas a working member of society!

ULTIMATE ORIGINS #1 (of 5)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by BUTCH GUICE
Cover by SIMONE BIANCHI
Variant Cover by MICHAEL TURNER
This is it! The story that finally reveals the conspiracies behind the entire Ultimate Universe! When they first met, Bruce Banner mysteriously warned Spider-Man that "Everything is connected." Now it's time to discover the jaw-dropping secrets that men have fought and died to protect. From the dark days of World War II to the frightening present, journey through history to learn what's really behind the Super Soldier and Weapon X programs-and how heroes such as Captain America, Nick Fury and Wolverine have more in common than codenames and costumes. The dream team of Brian Michael Bendis and Butch Guice (CAPTAIN AMERICA, IRON MAN) unite for the first time for the Ultimate series of the year that is a must-read lead-in to ULTIMATUM!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• "This is it" is right. This series was supposed to come out months ago

ULTIMATE X-MEN #95
Written by ARON COLEITE
Penciled by MARK BROOKS
Cover by GABRIELE DELL'OTTO
HEROES writer Aron Eli Coleite continues his run - and introduces a team of X-Men like you've never seen before! Who are Ultimate Alpha Flight? What do they want with Northstar? What is Colossus willing to do to get him back? And just wait until you see that last-page shocker!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99  

• It's come to this? Ultimate Alpha Flight? Really?

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #561
Written by "Dandy'" DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by "Many Fingered" MARCOS MARTIN
Peter Parker: Paparazzi! Part 3 of 3
"Photo Finished"
They say a picture's worth a thousand words... Well, for Peter Parker, the right picture is worth a million bucks! And what he does with it is really gonna change his life! This is a big one, Spidey Fans! We've got shake ups and break ups! Fake outs and freak outs! And a fight to the finish with one of Spider-Man's strangest foes: the fiendishly foldable PAPER DOLL! Miss this one, Marvelite, and you'll miss out on the BEST mystery guest of the YEAR! Here's a hint...she's a redhead!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• One thing I give Brand New Day credit for, it certainly is introducing new villains to the Spidey mythos. And some are kind of interesting, on paper at least. Oh, and any guesses who that redhead is? Not all at once!!!

SPIDER-MAN FAMILY #9
Written by PAUL TOBIN
Art by DEREC AUCOIN
Cover by SALVA ESPIN
Spider-Man, the friendly neighborhood…chaperone? When the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier races off to fight a hostile UFO, Nick Fury asks (okay, tells) Spider-Man that he needs to watch after Bruce Banner. Now all Spidey needs to do is convince a city full of assorted thieves and felons (and…DANG…Dr. Octopus!) to KEEP IT DOWN for the day, cuz, you know, this is the guy that turns into the Hulk. PLUS: the story no one thought they would see, the debut of all-new backup feature "Mr. & Mrs. Spider-Man"! In this first installment, using their individual talents, Peter and Mary Jane Parker join forces to prevent the Lizard from destroying his own family.
104 PGS./Rated A …$4.99

• Mr & Mrs. Spider-Man?I guess too many people started buying Amazing Spider-Girl so they had to create a spill over for all the married Spidey lovers out there.

AMAZING SPIDER-GIRL #21
Written by TOM DEFALCO
Pencils & Cover by RON FRENZ
"A Brand New MAY!"
Part 2 of 5
As Peter Parker and Normie Osborn try to learn the identity of the brand new May, Spider-Girl investigates Humanity First and battles a brand new super-foe.
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• And the original recommendation for married Spidey fans plays up to its new found audience.

CAPTAIN AMERICA #39
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Pencils & Cover by STEVE EPTING
Okay, what the heck is going on here? Is that two guys in Captain America outfits? Yeah, it is.
More than that, we cannot say.
The epic Death of Captain America continues in Part Three of "The Man Who Bought America" by the acclaimed team of Brubaker and Epting.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

 

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• Part of me hopes this isn't some sort of a serve, but even if it is, I probably won't be too mad because it will probably be well written.

ETERNALS #1
Written by CHARLES KNAUF & DANIEL KNAUF
Art & 50/50 Cover by DANIEL ACU„A
50/50 Variant cover by OLIVIER COIPEL
The Gods Walk the Earth! In ancient times, the Celestials, a race of cosmic giants, came to Earth and created a race of powerful immortal beings: The Eternals! For a time, primitive man worshiped them as gods, but eventually they disappeared. Now, they have returned! One of the Celestials now towers over Golden Gate Park, standing in judgment over the Earth… but does he bring the end of the world? Following up on Neil Gaiman's best-selling series (and a recent appearance in the Incredible Hercules), join writers Charles and Daniel Knauf and rising superstar artist Daniel Acu–a, as Jack Kirby's Eternals return to walk among us!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Do you want to know how I know this will not be as good as Neil Gaiman's Eternals? Because Neil Gaiman is not writing it. Neil Gaiman's Eternals=Whole milk, this series=Skim Milk.

FANTASTIC FOUR #558
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by BRYAN HITCH
Who are the New Defenders, and why does their appearance on Earth foretell the eventual extinction of mankind? Who has liberated Doctor Doom from his incarceration awaiting trial, and why? And what's up with Valeria? (Oh, and the Fantastic Four are in it too...)
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• So, we have a New Defenders, who appear to be different than any Defenders that came before them, even the most recent "Last Defenders" and Doctor Doom awaiting trial, even though he is a soverign monarch and, therefore, has diplomatic immunity. Continuity? Sensible plot points? Feh! This is stuff for lesser creatures than Millar and Hitch!  

HULK: RAGING THUNDER
Written by JEFF PARKER
Art by MITCH BREITWEISER
Cover by GREG LAND
She will be the mightiest champion of her time. He was the mightiest monster of his. What happens when these legends clash will change the course of history for the warrior known as THUNDRA! PLUS, a classic Thundra tale!
48 PGS./Rated A …$3.99

• Wait a minute? Such a thing as "a classic Thundra tale" exists!?! Well, shave my back and call me Betty!

MARVEL ADVENTURES HULK #12
Written by PAUL BENJAMIN
Penciled by STEVE SCOTT
Cover by DAVID NAKAYAMA
Get ready, fight fans! The ultimate warrior is coming at you live from the Milky Way: the Champion of the Universe! He'll take on Earth's greatest gladiators with the planet itself hanging in the balance. In Earth's corner: the jaw-breaking Juggernaut, daring Doc Samson, the ever-lovin', blue-eyed Thing, and that jade giant, that green goliath...the Incredible Hulk! Are you ready to ruuuumble?!
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99  

• Or, in other words, Marvel Two-In-One Annual #7, if the series starred the Hulk instead of the Thing.

SPIDER-MAN MAGAZINE #1
Cover by PHIL JIMENEZ
It's Spider-Man from cover to cover as the wall-crawler leaps into his very own ongoing magazine! In addition to full-length comic-book stories, this premiere issue features puzzles and games, pinups, a letters page, and a pull-out poster!
96 PGS./All Ages …$6.99

• Yeah, I give it two years, tops. Less if there isn't a Spider-Man 4 before then.

MYTHOS: CAPTAIN AMERICA
Written by PAUL JENKINS
Art and Cover by PAOLO RIVERA
He may be dead, but now you can find out how the man became the legend! Mythos revisits Steve Rogers'
transformation from a weakling with a heart of steel to the Sentinel of Liberty! From the mind of Paul Jenkins and the stunning art of Paolo Rivera comes the origin of CAPTAIN AMERICA!
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Rated A …$3.99

• Hey, everybody! It's relist month!

NOVA #14
Written by ANDY LANNING & DAN ABNETT
Penciled by WELLINTON ALVES
Cover by ALEX MALEEV
Continuing one of the wildest Galactus and Silver Surfer stories ever! He's got the power of the entire Nova Force. He's faced down the likes of Sphinx and Annihilus. But is the Human Rocket even in the same league as the Devourer of Worlds and his most famous herald? And what the blue blazes can Nova do when he finds himself the only thing standing between the big G and his next super-sized mega-meal? So, c'mon all you Silver Surfer & Galactus fans, take a chance on this book and find out why IGN.com says "NOVA has become one of Marvel's best new series."
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Man, you're in trouble when you are appealing to Silver Surfer fans. Granted, one assumes that it is Nova's target audience, but Surfer fans haven't done too well with keeping that character's books afloat. Like they will help Nova stay in publication?

SECRET INVASION #3 (of 8)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Cover by GABRIELE DELL'OTTO
Variant Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
Sketch Variant Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
THE BLOCKBUSTER EVENT continues. Its Avenger versus Avenger. Hero versus hero! Norman Osborn versus Captain
Marvel?? The Initiative versus an army of Super-Skrulls? Is Tony Stark really a- -? And who's that guy with an eye patch coming to save the day?? And, oh man, who did he bring with him?
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Rated T+ …$3.99

• Oh, Marvel! You are such a tease!

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #14

AVN_THEINT_14

Written by DAN SLOTT & CHRISTOS GAGE
Pencils by STEFANO CASELLI
Cover by MARK BROOKS
SECRET INVASION TIE-IN
"We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Us!"
During the INFILTRATION, a Skrull at the heart of the Camp Hammond said these words: "It won't be long until we have a Skrull in every state! "Now that Skrull stands revealed and the fate of The Initiative, the United States, and Planet Earth hang in the balance. Plus: Former Avenger, Delroy Garret, assumes the mantle and arsenal of Earth's greatest Skrull-Hunter, THE 3-D MAN. He's here to chew bubblegum and kick some Skrull-@$$. And he's all out of bubblegum.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Yellowjacket being a Skrull makes perfect sense, which is why this cover is possibly a swerve. Also, love those two last sentences, all the way from respect for continuity to the return of one of my favorite characters (and coolest looking, IMHO) to the quote from "They Live".

SECRET INVASION: RUNAWAYS/YOUNG AVENGERS #1 (of 3)
Written by CHRISTOPHER YOST
Penciled by TAKESHI MIYAZAWA
Cover by MICHAEL RYAN
The Skrulls are invading and the Runaways and the Young Avengers both have a Skrull on their team. Coincidence? We think not. You two favorite teen teams come together again as the Marvel U is pushed to the brink.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Yes, it's the annual "Let's keep the properties alive until a new issue comes out by creating a separate event tie in series" series.

PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL #20
Written by MATT FRACTION & RICK REMENDER
Art by HOWARD CHAYKIN
Cover by ALEX MALEEV
G.W. Bridge's heartbreakers and lifetakers--Domino, Silver Sable and Contessa Valentina Allegra di Fontaine of S.H.I.E.L.D.-- come gunning for The Punisher. Kid Punisher goes on another major rampage. And Jigsaw's noose tightens around Frank's neck as he puts a 100 million dollar bounty on Frank's head. Every bounty hunter in the Marvel U is gonna come gunning for the Punisher and there's only one place for him to run...underground. By Matt Fraction (IMMORTAL IRON FIST, INVINCIBLE IRON MAN) and Rick Remender (Fear Agent, The End League), with art by Howard Chaykin (WOLVERINE, WAR IS HELL: THE E FIRST FLIGHT OF THE PHANTOM EAGLE).
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• Okay, this solicitation lists about 50 reasons why I like Matt Fraction so much.

WOLVERINE #66
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Wraparound Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
Variant Cover by MICHAEL TURNER
"OLD MAN LOGAN" Part 1 (of 8)
MARK MILLAR and STEVE MCNIVEN-who last teamed for the monumental CIVIL WAR-bring us the most important WOLVERINE story of the 21st Century. Nobody knows what happened on the night the heroes fell. All we know is that they disappeared and evil triumphed and the bad guys have been calling the shots ever since. What happened to Wolverine is the biggest mystery of all. For 50 years, no one has heard hide nor hair from him…and in his place stands an old man called Logan. A man concerned only about his family. A man pushed to the brink by the HULK GANG. A man forced to help an old friend-the blind archer, HAWKEYE-to drive three thousand miles to secure his family's safety. Get ready for the ride of your life, Logan.
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• Otherwise known as "What If "Dark Knight Returns" starred Wolverine instead of Batman. Not to be confused with "Spider-Man Reign" which was "What If "Dark Knight Returns" starred Spider-Man instead of Batman.

X-FORCE: AIN'T NO DOG
Written by CHARLIE HUSTON & JASON AARON
Penciled by JEFTE PALO & WERTHER DELL'EDERA
Cover by BRYAN HITCH
"Ain't No Dog": There will be blood. Gallons of it. Because Cyclops needs only one scalpel for a surgical strike mission and Logan's the ideal man for the job. Tonight, Wolverine flies solo-dressed in black and operating off the grid. And when the night is through, there will be mountains of corpses, and no one to answer to. What could be better? PLUS, this one-shot features a solo Warpath story, as he learns what it really means to go home again.
48 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

• The new X-Force title has been around for, what, three months? And they already need a pseudo-fill-in special? That is problematic.

WOLVERINE: DANGEROUS GAME
Written by SIMON SPURRIER & RICK REMENDER
Art by BEN OLIVER & JEROME OPENA
Cover by BOO COOK
With bloodsports banned in the UK, a group of overfed Brit Aristos have relocated to the Louisiana forests. Their aim? To pit themselves (aided only by a vast pack of slavering hounds and their own copious wealth) against a truly worthy foe: a single, terrified fox. Sadly for them, there's more than one furry little critter in the woods tonight…Writer Simon Spurrier (GUTSVILLE, SILVER SURFER: IN THY NAME) and superstar artist Ben Oliver (ULTIMATE X-MEN, GHOST RIDER ANNUAL) present a brandy-swigging one-shot huntfest: 1-part ethical dilemma, 2-parts nationalistic clichŽ, 659 parts insane slice'n'dice-o-rama. Snikt! Also, includes a special back-up story written by Fear Agents' Rick Remender and Jerome Opena!
48 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

• So, not only is this another variation of "The Most Dangerous Game", it's the second one Wolverine starred in( The last was Palmiotti & Gray's Claws from a year or two back.) Can we pick another story to ripof--err, I mean pay tribute to? May I suggest 10 Little Indians? It's British too!

WOLVERINE: ORIGINS #26
Written by DANIEL WAY
Penciled by STEPHEN SEGOVIA
Cover by GREG LAND
"SON OF X" Part 1 (of 2)
The origin of Daken, the son of Wolverine! Decades ago, during his time in Jasmine Falls, Wolverine fathered a child…a child whom he thought died with its mother. But Wolverine was mistaken-the child grew into a man. And that man just may be the deadliest being on the face of the Earth. How did that happen? Find out here!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• This is how I think the origin of Daken should start: "You see, Daken, when a feral man with razor sharp claws and a healing factor loves a Japanese woman who was a retroactive continuity implant..."

PUNISHER MAX: LITTLE BLACK BOOK
Written by VICTOR GISCHLER
Penciled by JEFTE PALO
Cover by DAVE JOHNSON
Celebrated crime novelist Victor Gischler (Gun Monkeys, Pistol Poets) delivers a blistering one-shot tale of Marvel's greatest vigilante! Vette's little black book is a treasure chest of dark secrets. Movie stars, politicians, gangsters -- they all pay to play. Tonight, she is making a house call…and the Punisher is riding shotgun. Because one of the names in that book is Carlos Ramirez, a powerful Miami drug lord who hides in an impenetrable fortress, and Vette is the Punisher's best ticket inside. Before the night is through, Vette will learn a thing or two about what really lurks in the hearts of men, about the difference between dogs and wolves.
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Explicit Content …$3.99

• Yet another "crime novelist" who is celebrated, yet, I have never heard of gets to write a Punisher one-shot. If it follows to the pre-existing schedule, he should be writing an ongoing featuring one of Marvel most popular, yet cult, characters before the year is out.

PUNISHER #58
Written by GARTH ENNIS
Penciled by GORAN PARLOV
Cover by TIM BRADSTREET
"VALLEY FORGE, VALLEY FORGE," PART 4
Garth Ennis concludes his seminal run on PUNISHER -- in style. An eight-man Special Forces Squad has been tasked to bring down the Punisher, by all means necessary -- honorable men who will be the ultimate test of Frank Castle's skills and his personal code. If anyone deserves Frank's vengeance, it's the men who gave the kill order. Men who'll do anything to destroy the proof of their war crimes. Men who underestimated their target.
32 PGS./Explicit Content …$2.99

• This is a sad day, one that I never thought would come. Man, whoever comes in next has got their work cut out for them.

POWERS #31
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Art & Cover by MICHAEL AVON OEMING
"Z"
BRAND NEW STORY ARC! NEW FORMAT! HOP ON THE POWERS TRAIN! Who were the Rat Pack of the Powers universe? And was Detective Christian Walker one of them? When the controversial crime fighter only known as Z meets his maker, the investigation reveals a secret chapter of Walker's past. Will Walker's true origin reveal itself to those closest to him? And can they handle it?! Plus: Deena Pilgrim faces her future.
40 PGS./Mature…$3.95
POWERS is TM & © 2008 Jinxworld Inc. All Rights Reserved

• Yeah, hop aboard the Powers train. A new train leaves the station once every six months.

 

I Mock the April DC and Marvel Solicitations

Yet another round of solicitation mockery. Let's start with DC:

COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS #4-1
Story by Paul Dini
Story consulting by Keith Giffen
4 script by Adam Beechen; art by Carlos Magno & Rodney Ramos
3 script by Sean McKeever; art by Ron Lim & Mark McKenna
2 script by Sean McKeever; art by Jesus Saiz & Jimmy Palmiotti
1 script by Paul Dini; art by Scott Kolins
Covers by Adam Kubert
The Great Disaster has occurred, and all hell breaks loose as all the storylines in COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS come to a climax, threatening Darkseid and Jimmy Olsen and Mary Marvel and the future of their Earth!
COUNTDOWN 4 on sale April 2
COUNTDOWN 3 on sale April 9
COUNTDOWN 2 on sale April 16
COUNTDOWN 1 on sale April 23
32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• The long national nightmare is finally over.

TITANS #1
Written by Judd Winick
Art and cover by Ian Churchill & Norm Rapmund
Variant cover by Ethan Van Sciver
A new team of Titans is born in the extra-sized first issue of a new ongoing monthly by Judd Winick (GREEN LANTERN, GREEN ARROW, OUTSIDERS), Ian Churchill & Norm Rapmund (SUPERGIRL, TEEN TITANS EAST SPECIAL)! Someone or something is continuing its attack on anyone who's ever been a Titan, including Nightwing, Starfire, Donna Troy, Beast Boy and Raven.
You won't want to miss this new startling chapter in Titans history that may forge a new team from the ashes of old, dead friends.
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 10 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by Ian Churchill & Norm Rapmund), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Ethan Van Sciver). Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale April 9 o 40 pg, FC, $3.50 US

• I love the Titans. Hate Judd Winick's writing. The latter wins in this case.

BATMAN #676
Written by Grant Morrison
Art and variant cover by Tony Daniel & Sandu Florea
Cover by Alex Ross
Are you ready for "Batman R.I.P."?
Beginning the epic story that will change the legend of the Dark Knight forever! Everything in Grant Morrison's groundbreaking run on Batman has been leading to this story, and nothing will ever be the same again.
Who will live? Who will die? Who will be Batman? The answers are sure to shock you in "Batman R.I.P.," featuring artwork by Tony Daniel & Sandu Florea and covers by Alex Ross.
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 25 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by Alex Ross), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Tony Daniel and Sandu Florea). Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale April 23 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Hey. DC. DON'T KILL BATMAN. It's not a good idea. On soooomany levels.

DETECTIVE COMICS #843
Written by Paul Dini
Art by Dustin Nguyen & Derek Fridolfs
Cover by Nguyen
A member of Gotham's underground threatens the livelihood of the DCU's resident magician, Zatanna! That is, until Batman decides to lend Zatanna a hand. Plus, an appearance by Scarface and the origin of the new Ventriloquist!
On sale April 2 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• You know, if Zatanna were real, Paul Dini would be arrested for stalking her and have a briefcase full of PFA's and restraining orders taken out on him. I'm just saying.

ROBIN #173
Written by Chuck Dixon
Art by Chris Batista & Cam Smith
Cover by Freddie Williams II
Girl trouble doesn't even begin to describe Robin's situation when he finds himself caught between Violet and Spoiler! Meanwhile, the Peguin's net is getting tighter, and all three of them might find themselves sleeping with the fishes…if another supermafioso on the scene doesn't get to them first!
On sale April 16 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Wait a minute! I thought Violet WAS the Spoiler? And does this mean that the Spoiler is really coming back?

ACTION COMICS #864
Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Gary Frank & Jonathan Sibal
Cover by Kevin Maguire
General Zod! Bizarro World! The Legion of Super-Heroes! What's next for the Man of Steel? Superman attempts to get back to his life as Clark Kent, but when you're the world's greatest hero there's trouble around every corner, behind every planet and within every dimension.
On sale April 30 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Ladies and gentlemen, winner for vaguest solicitation ever. "Hey, a lot of great stories happend this year! This story will be great too! Only we can't tell you anything about it!"

BLUE BEETLE #26
Written by Jai Nitz
Art by Mike Norton & Trevor Scott
Cover by Zach Howard
A special extra-sized Spanish-language issue, with the English script as bonus material! Blue Beetle takes Traci 13 to his family reunion, and having your girlfriend meet your family can be tough, especially when she's the only guest who doesn't speak Spanish! To make matters worse, two people have uncovered Jaime's secret identity - and one of them is the Parasite!
On sale April 30 o 40 pg, FC, $3.50 US

• Yeah, the "Spanish language" thing is a stunt, but this book needs stunts. It's good so anything that brings new readers in is a good thing.  

JSA CLASSIFIED #37
Written by B. Clay Moore
Art by Ramon Perez
Cover by Sean Chen & Sandu Florea
"Forward Through the Past" part 3 of 3! Wildcat finds himself attempting to live up to the past as he reclaims his place in the present. Catwoman guest-stars as the two battle a gang of criminals-in-training and set Wildcat on a new course for the future.
On sale April 30 o 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US o Final Issue

• Aw, last issue? My wallet can use having one less book to buy, but I like the anthologies.

ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN, THE BOY WONDER VOL. 1 HC
Written by Frank Miller
Art and cover by Jim Lee & Scott Williams
One of the most talked-about Batman stories ever - conceived by modern master Frank Miller (BATMAN: YEAR ONE, THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS) and artists extraordinaire Jim Lee & Scott Williams (BATMAN, SUPERMAN) - is collected in hardcover for the first time! Lee & Miller join forces to tell a new version of Dick Grayson's origin in a high-octane tale that unfolds with guest appearances by Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Black Canary, and more! This volume collects issues #1-9 of the acclaimed series.

"As its title implies, the new monthly ALL-STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN, THE BOY WONDER is a dream teaming: writer Frank Miller…and artist Jim Lee, whose elegantly muscular work on the recent Bat-tale "Hush" was a fan fave." - ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

"Two superstar creators combine to retell the origin of Dick Grayson, the original Robin." - USA TODAY

"Lee's razor-sharp renderings energize Miller's moody tale of Gotham… [and] deliver an all-new take on the creation of the Dynamic Duo." - WASHINGTON POST

Advance-solicited; on sale June 18 o 240 pg, FC, $24.99 US

• Yeah, this pile of suck deserves a hardcover. Notice that of the three, mainstream market blurbs, only one counts as a review? The first one talks more about Hush that ASBARTBW, and the second is more descriptive than anything. And the third isn't exactly gushing praise. I guess DC is hoping the uninitated just notice the periodicals the blurbs are from and not that they say absolutely nothing about how good or bad the book is.

AMERICAN SPLENDOR SEASON TWO #1
Written by Harvey Pekar
Art by David Lapham, Chris Weston, Dean Haspiel, Hilary Barta, John Lucas, Zachary Baldus and Ed Piskor
Cover by Philip Bond
In 2006, comics legend Harvey Pekar brought his unflinching tales of ordinary life to Vertigo with an all-new run of AMERICAN SPLENDOR, the comic that, 30 years earlier, rose "from the streets of Cleveland" and changed how we look at comics. Often imitated but never duplicated, Pekar proved that he still has the power to "make mundane reality seem like the highest drama" (Entertainment Weekly) in his critically acclaimed Vertigo series.
Now, Harvey Pekar is back with an all-new series of AMERICAN SPLENDOR, featuring his funniest, most poignant, somber and uplifting stories from the complex life of an ordinary man.
Once again, the Vertigo AMERICAN SPLENDOR pairs Harvey with some of the most exciting, innovative artists currently in comics, including in this special premiere issue, David Lapham (YOUNG LIARS, Stray Bullets), Chris Weston (THE FILTH, Fantastic Four), Dean Haspiel (THE QUITTER, Brawl), Mike Hawthorne (THE UN-MEN, Queen and Country), John Lucas (THE EXTERMINATORS) and other luminaries from both the mainstream and indie worlds.
In this issue, they join Harvey to chronicle his battles with stubborn sofas, short sighted magazine writers, treacherous front doorsteps and many more obstacles for Harvey to overcome in his pursuit of a fulfilling and meaningful existence.
"Pekar's ability to find the exceptional in the everyday has matured and blossomed over time." - Publisher's Weekly
On sale April 2 o 1 of 4 o 32 pg, B&W, $2.99 US MATURE READERS

• Yes! New American Splendor! Yes!

Criminal 2 #3
Written by Ed Brubaker
Pencils and Cover bu Sean Phillips
It’s the final of three interlinking standalone stories, in CRIMINAL’s new expanded format!
“*Female of the Species*” is the final piece to the noir puzzle of these three stories of crime and murder in the early 1970s. Told from the sympathetic POV of a Femme Fatale on her path to one final score and the revenge she’s been waiting years to get. A heartbreaking look into the other side of a noir tradition.

And on top of this longer-than-usual length main story, CRIMINAL now features an *expanded* back-pages section, as well – with articles by Brubaker and other top crime writers, from novelists to screenwriters to comic writers. These noir articles have become a popular piece of the CRIMINAL package, and are something that can only be found in the comics, not in any collections. So don’t miss out on this *standalone* issue of the most acclaimed crime comic on the stands!

Mature Content/No Ads... $3.50

• Criminal getting the lead spot of the solicitations? Excellent!

ULTIMATE X-MEN #93
Written by ROBERT KIRKMAN
Pencils & Cover by SALVADOR LARROCA
It’s Robert Kirkman’s final issue of ULTIMATE X-MEN – and he’s going out with a bang! Has the worst happened? Has Apocalypse
triumphed? If so, there is only one force in the universe with the power to end his iron fisted reign. But it is a power of such
magnitude that its slightest misuse could bring about the end of all things!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Kirkman's last issue? Does this mean Bryan Singer's arc is set to begin?

IRON MAN: LEGACY OF DOOM #1 (of 4)
Written by DAVID MICHELINIE
Art & Cover by RON LIM & bob layton
"A Knight in Hell" Dr. Doom returns to menace Iron Man in the chilling and long-awaited conclusion of The Camelot Trilogy! Mephisto has apparently found a way to bring about The End Of Days and Tony Stark and Victor Von Doom must form an uneasy alliance to try and stop him. But all may not be as it seems. And it takes a journey to Hell itself before the shocking truth is revealed! Iron Man legends David Michelinie and Bob Layton are joined by penciler supreme Ron Lim to bring you the first part of an epic literally decades in the making!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Michelinie+Layton+Iron Man=Greatness!

SECRET INVASION #1 (of 8)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Cover by GABRIELE DELL’OTTO
Variant cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
SECRET INVASION IS HERE!! Years in the making, months in the teasing...and it all STARTS HERE!!
The shape-shifting alien race known as the Skrulls has secretly infiltrated every super-powered organization on Earth with one goal...full-scale invasion! In this DOUBLE-SIZED first issue, page after page unveils reveal after reveal and shocking moment after shocking moment! Brian Bendis and Leinil Francis Yu leap off the pages of mega-hit New Avengers and deliver a story that will change the Marvel Universe forever.
THE MARVEL UNIVERSE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!!
48 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99
Blank Cover CONVENTION Variant also available!

• I might be crazy, but I think this series might change the Marvel Universe. I don't know where I get that idea, but that's what I think will happened.

X-MEN DIVIDED WE STAND BOOK 1 (of 2)
Written by MIKE CAREY, MATT FRACTION, CRAIG KYLE,
CHRISTOPHER YOST and SKOTTIE YOUNG
Pencils by BRANDON PETERSON, JAMIE MCKELVIE, SANA TAKEDA and SKOTTIE YOUNG
Cover by BRANDON PETERSON
*Solicit classified until 1/24/2008*
48 PGS./Rated T+…$3.99

UNCANNY X-MEN #497
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Pencils & Cover by MICHAEL CHOI
“DIVIDED WE STAND”
*Solicit classified until 1/24/2008*
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

X-MEN: LEGACY #210
Written by MIKE CAREY
Penciled by SCOT EATON
Cover by DAVID FINCH
*Solicit classified until 1/24/2008*
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

X-FACTOR #30
Written by PETER DAVID
Penciled by VALENTINE DE LANDRO
Cover by GLENN FABRY
*Solicit classified until 1/24/2008*
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

YOUNG X-MEN #1
Written by MARC GUGGENHEIM
Pencils by YANICK PAQUETTE
Cover by (TOP SECRET – TO BE REVEALED)
Variant Cover by MARC SILVESTRI
*Solicit classified until 1/24/2008*
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

X-FORCE #3
Written by CHRISTOPHER YOST & CRAIG KYLE
Pencils & Cover by CLAYTON CRAIN
*Solicit classified until 1/24/2008*
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

CABLE #2
Written by DUANE SWIERCZYNSKI
Pencils & Cover by ARIEL OLIVETTI
Variant Cover by DAVID FINCH
*Solicit classified until 1/24/2008*
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• So, instead of delaying sending out the advance solicitations a couple of days, they put this out? Weird.

WOLVERINE #64
Written by JASON AARON
Pencils & Cover by RON GARNEY
*Solicit classified until 1/24/2008*
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• Here's another one.

 

Some new adjectives can use for their future X-men

1. The Amazing X-men
2. The Sensational X-Men
3. The Spectacular X-Men
4. The Immortal X-Men
5. West Coast X-Men
6. Spry X-Men
7. Bouncy X-Men
8. Fluffy X-Men
9. Sweaty X-Men
10. Just not that into you X-Men
11. The Dangerous X-Men
12. The Wicked X-Men
13. The Wicked Pissah X-Men
14. Old X-Men
15. Elderly X-Men
16. Pediatric X-Men
17. School-Age X-Men
18. The New York X-Men
19. The Average X-Men
20. The X-Men X-men
21. The Singing X-Men
22. The Mormon Tabernacle X-Men
23. The X-Men and the Pips.
24. The Flaming X-Men
25. The Cool X-Men
26. The Way Cool X-Men
27. The Robust X-Men
28. The Aromatic X-Men
29. Not Your Father's X-Men
30. The Red-State X-Men
31. The Indignant X-Men
32. The Indigent X-Men
33. The Insolent X-men

 

See why I'm doing this here.

I speculate about The Last Defenders.

I was a fan of the the Defenders since back when I collected the book when I was a wee lad. So, I am excited about the new The Last Defenders series that is set to come out. However, the line up gave me pause. The new team consists of: Nighthawk, Colossus, She-Hulk and Blazing Skull. That line up is random. The gears in my mind started turning, trying to figure out how these diverse characters could come together as a team. Then I read an interview at Newsarama with series writer Joe Casey about the series, and one of Casey's answers about the title and the make up of the team struck me.

 "The title of the series is not a gimmick. Not in the slightest. It's essential to the story we're telling. And it's a much bigger concept than any marketing strategy or solicitation copy could convey..."

Then the thought popped into my head: They're Skrulls.

It was the whole "big concept" thing? And also this other quote from the interview:

"Blazing Skull is an inroad to the history of the Marvel U., going all the way back to WWII. Colossus has that X-connection, that access to the mutant side of things. She-Hulk represents the more chaotic, unpredictable side of the Marvel U. And Nighthawk is, as I said, acting as the glue to hold it all together."

That seems almost strategic wording, doesn't it? If you were going to have a "secret Invasion" of Earth, would you want subversives in ever area of superhumandom?

Then I got to thinking about the characters themselves:

• Nighthawk: Was dead but got better. But what if he didn't get better, but got replaced
• Colossus: Was dead but got better. But, again, what if he didn't get better, but got replaced.
• Blazing Skull: Has been around since WW II, supposedly immortal. But what if he isn't? What if he was replaced.
• She-Hulk: Has gone from savage to calm to savage to calm. Lost the ability to change back to Jennifer Walters then got it back then lost it and then got it back. What if these weren't her mind play tricks on her but rather the Skrull secret agent trying to get a handle on their "character"

Of course, this is just speculation. Who knows if I am even close to being right. I just wanted this out their in case I was so I could say "I told you so!"

I mock the March 2008 Marvel soliciatations

Another round of me trying the wring sarcastic humor out of the big two's offerings for March. First up, Marvel:

ULTIMATE HUMAN #3 (of 4)
Written by WARREN ELLIS
Pencils & Cover by CARY NORD
Continuing the ultimate collision between Iron Man and the Hulk! Who is Peter Wisdom, and what does he want with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner? And why can't either hero tap into the powers of their alter egos? Be there as Warren Ellis (ULTIMATE GALACTUS) and Cary Nord (Conan) unleash the fireworks at Ironworks!
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

• You can tell that the Ultimate line has totally lost sight of it's mission statement--which was to be more accessible that the mainstream Marvel line--when they introduce the Ultimate Pete Wisdom. What's next? The Ultimate Mahkizmo?

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #552
Written by BOB GALE
Pencils & Cover by PHIL JIMENEZ
Variant Cover by ADI GRANOV
BRAND NEW DAY continues with two new web-slingin' creators: Oscar-nominated screenwriter Bob (Back to the Future) Gale and artist extraordinaire Phil (NEW X-MEN, Infinite Crisis) Jimenez! What starts as a petty theft from a local Soup Kitchen turns into a chase that results in the birth of a brand-freaking-new Spidey villain -- and we mean "Freak" literally! Plus: more JJJ! More Daily Bugle -- oops, we mean DB! Repercussions from the actions of new villain, Menace! Curt Connors! And -- what you've really been waiting for, true believer -- Peter Parker does his own laundry! Will those stains come out? And what ARE those stains anyway? Find out in "Just Blame Spider-Man!"
32 PGS./Rated A ...$2.99

• See! If he had a wife, those stains wouldn't be a plot point! Strike one against Quesada's "Marriage is Bad" crusade!

AVENGERS FAIRY TALES #1 (of 4)
Written by C.B. CEBULSKI
Pencils by JOÃO LEMOS
Cover by CLAIRE WENDLING
The critically-acclaimed line of Marvel Fairy Tales continues with a coming-of-age tale inspired by the timeless classic Peter Pan! When Wanda and Pietro are swept away to Neverland by the boy who never grows up, they find themselves pulled into a situation beyond their wildest dreams. However, as fairies and lost boys become locked in battle with a vicious pirate captain and his crew, the two children must accept that sometimes fantasy is not always an escape from reality. See Captain America, Iron Man, Thor and the rest of the Avengers as you've never seen them before!
32 PGS./All Ages ...$2.99

• Yes, I'm getting it. It has the Avengers in the title, doesn't it?

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #11
Written by DAN SLOTT & CHRISTOS GAGE
Pencils by STEFANO CASELLI
Cover by STEVE UY
"Killed in Action" Part 4 of 4
Worst Case Scenario
By now you know who KIA is, what he wants, and who he's killed.
Initiative regulars, new recruits, and big name characters: no one's been safe. And that's never been more true than here at the bitter end. Join what's left of the Initiative as they and the MIGHTY AVENGERS try to stop their greatest threat.
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

• Wait a minute! The Initiative is being hassled by a South Korean Automotive manufacturer? Man, Marvel is really getting weak with its villains.

FANTASTIC FOUR #555
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by BRYAN HITCH
WORLD'S GREATEST Part 2
THE EARTH IS DOOMED!
Buy this issue for a first-look at mankind's new home. Also, the Torch gets nekkid with a super-villain.
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

• Ah, Millar. Creating awkward plotlines that should be reflected in the rest of the Marvel line but probably won't and sexing up what should be a family friendly book. Way to go! You're in mid-run form! All we need is for this issue to come out in July and we'll be all set!

DAREDEVIL #106
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Penciled by MIKE PERKINS
Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
MATT MURDOCK FACES A LONG NIGHT OF THE SOUL!
Reeling from the events of last issue, Matt Murdock struggles to come to grips with all the things we can't tell you about because they would spoil the ending of the previous arc. Drifting into anger and depression, Daredevil stalks the streets of Hell's Kitchen, looking for bad guys to take it out on...but is he really just taking it out on himself? By Harvey and Eisner-Winning Best Writer Ed Brubaker and special guest artist Mike Perkins (CAPTAIN AMERICA)!

• What are they not telling us? Probably that Milla is dead. Because dating Matt Murdock is the leading killer of women aged 21-35 in New York City.

HULK #3
Written by JEPH LOEB
Pencils & Cover by ED MCGUINNESS
Variant Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
Not a flashback! Not a dream! Together again for the first time! The battle you NEVER thought you'd see -- The Hulk Vs. The Abomination! But...wait, we've seen that lots of times! Well... No you HAVE NOT. And it isn't just because superstars Jeph Loeb & Ed McGuinness are bringing it to you for the first time -- it's because if you've been reading the Hulk (yes, we know there's one or two of you), it CAN'T be possible! But it is -- AND IN COLOR -- LOTS OF THEM! The pulse-pounding, gamma-spawned action adventure continues in Hulk #3!!!
32 PGS./Rated A...$2.99

• Actually, knowing Jeph Loeb's piss poor respect for continuity, he will probably make this the first time that the Abomination ever fought a Hulk. Oh, and that both of them are decended from an ancient tribe of wolves.

THE LAST DEFENDERS #1 (of 6)
Written by JOE CASEY
Pencils by JIM MUNIZ
Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
At long last, the team book you've been waiting for! The return of the Defenders! (no trademark infringement here!) And look who's on the team: The mutant Colossus! The sensational She-Hulk! The unpredicatable Blazing Skull! An all-new lineup led by the enigmatic Nighthawk! Injected into the heart of the modern Marvel Universe, the Defenders have been reformed to serve a specific policital purpose...but is there a greater destiny in store for this crew? It's hi-octane superheroics mainlined right into your fanboy brain!
32 PGS./Rated T+...$2.99

• How did they pick this team? Some kind of lottery? Did they write character names on ping pong balls and put some of them in a bingo mixer? I'm still buying it, but really.

MARVEL ADVENTURES HULK #9
Written by Paul Benjamin
Pencils & Cover by Steve Scott
Bruce Banner's old friend, Dr. Leonard Samson, is now a gamma-powered strongman working with Betty Ross to cure Bruce. But what dark secret will push Bruce over the edge? See: Hulk battle the green-haired goliath, Doc Samson! Thrill: as Bruce is reunited with the love of his life, Betty Ross! Cringe: As Rick Jones gives Doc Samson a piece of his mind! Witness: Monkey on the psychiatrist's couch!
32 PGS./All Ages ...$2.99

• Monkey on a psychiatrist's couch! I am so there, dude!

SECRET INVASION SAGA
Written by JOHN RHETT THOMAS
Cover by LEINIL YU
The Secret Invasion has been underway for years. For how long and to what extent, Tony Stark is not sure, but there is one thing he does know: Now is not the time for complacency. Following hot on the heels of the stunning revelation that Skrulls have been masquerading as Elektra and Black Bolt, Stark puts his best data-mining technology to the test to piece together their treacherous plot. From their first encounter with the Fantastic Four, through the epic clash of the Kree/Skrull War and the destruction of the Skrull Throneworld, all the way to the recent Annihilation War and subsequent invasion of Earth, the timeline of known Skrull activity is made clear so effective battle plans can be drawn. With the Classified Top Secret Secret Invasion Saga report, the new Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. must leave no stone unturned in his analysis of this insidious enemy's history: The fate of the Earth will depend on it!
32 PGS./ Rated T+ ...FREE!

• I'm sure this will tell you everything you need to know about the "Secret Invasion" (The entire history of the Skrulls at Marvel) but nothing you want to know (What other hero is a Skrull.). Can't beat the price, though.

MIGHTY AVENGERS #10
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Pencils & Cover by MARK BAGLEY
Iron Man and the Sentry are stuck in the past with none other than Doctor Doom. Any interaction with anything or anyone could jeopardize the future of the Marvel Universe! Can Tony Stark trust Victor Von Doom to help get them back to the present before the Sentry has a complete meltdown? Guest starring the Fantastic Four's ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing!
32 PGS./Rated A ...$2.99

MIGHTY AVENGERS #11
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by MARK BAGLEY
Cover by FRANK CHO
Get ready to see an Avengers/Doctor Doom knock-down drag-out! And we promise an ending you've never seen in the history of Doom! All this and the Secret Invasion is upon us! Marvel Comics says sayonara to longtime penciler Mark Bagley with this bombastic storyline!
32 PGS./Rated A ...$2.99

• I love how this title went from two issues in six months to two issues in one month. I think Bagley is just showing off. Man, it is going to be weird seeing Bagley at DC.

MS. MARVEL #25
Written by BRIAN REED
Penciled by ADRIANA MELO
Cover by GREG HORN
The record-setting 25th issue is here, and it's super-sized! Is Ms. Marvel on the front lines of the Secret Invasion... or is she part of the invasion?! Brian Reed (CAPTAIN MARVEL) welcomes new series artist Adriana Melo onboard as Ms. Marvel begins her third year of action and adventure!
48 PGS./Rated T+ ...$3.99

• I also love how giddy Marvel is at this book hitting 25 issues, one more than the previous series. It makes me smile.

NOVA #11
Written by DAN ABNETT & ANDY LANNING
Penciled by PAUL PELLETIER
Cover by ALEX MALEEV
Rocketing from the pages of ANNIHILATION: CONQUEST, a new story begins, featuring the debut of new cover artist Alex Maleev (HALO: UPRISING) and new interior artist Paul Pelletier (FANTASTIC FOUR)! Nova finally reaches the end of his quest...but will his techno infection take him out before a surprise former fan--favorite guest--star can attempt to save the day? Before the Human Rocket jets back into the pages of CONQUEST, now is the time to jump onboard and find out why ComicPants.com says "this series just keeps getting better."
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

• Heh. Heh. You said "ComicPants"

CABLE #1
Written by DUANE SWIERCZYNSKI
Pencils & Cover by ARIEL OLIVETTI
Variant Cover by ROB LIEFELD
"ARMS," Part 1
A new ongoing series spinning out of the decade's biggest X-Men event! The future of mutantkind starts here!
"Messiah CompleX" changed the X-Men forever. But no one's world has been rocked as hard as Cable, the time-traveling mutant from the future. He's been charged with the one mission that could save all of mutantkind -- or, if he fails, damn it to extinction. And hot on his trail is a relentless enemy who won't stop until blood is spilled. No matter where...or when...Cable runs. Brought to you by the dynamic team of Duane Swierczysnki (MOON KNIGHT ANNUAL) and Ariel Olivetti (PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL).
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

• Take one crime novelist who isn't as famous as you'd like to think he is (but you still promote him like he was Tom Clancy and John Grisham put together), add an artist who is talented but will last for about six issues before he either leaves or starts becoming late, and have them work on a character that is an example of the worst the 1990's had to offer and what do you get? A whole lot of "eh!"

X-FORCE #2
Written by CHRISTOPHER YOST & CRAIG KYLE
Pencils & Cover by CLAYTON CRAIN
With one of their own already fallen, X-Force is out for blood. More blood. And they'll stop at nothing to bring an end to the PURIFIERS' plan to resurrect one of the X-Men's greatest foes... It's all-out war, with no quarter asked--and none given.
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99

• Yeah, I don't know if it's a good thing that the team of Yost and Kyle have become synonymus with blood. Man, haven't they killed enough in New X-Men?

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS #10
Written by Jeff Parker
Penciled by CLAYTON HENRY
Cover by John Romita Jr.
"Hey Cyclops!"
"Huh?"
"Why're ya so dang boring?"
"I dunno."
"Well...if we give ya a whole issue of First Class, do you
promise to be cool?"
"Ok."
"Deal!"
32 PGS./Rated A ...$2.99

• Maybe one of the reasons why First Class isn't selling that well is the tact Marvel is taking with the solicitations. How do you expect anybody to by the book when you that the "Aw, forget about it" ploy of just having the solicitations done in a lame dialogue month after month. I mean, this month's turns me away more than makes me want to pick up the issue. You want to know why? Because you call the star of the issue boring right there in the solicitations! Add to that the dialogue just doesn't work and you get the impression that Marvel just doesn't care if anybody picks up the book.

WOLVERINE: FIRST CLASS #1
Written by FRED VAN LENTE
Penciled by ANDREA DI VITO
Cover by SALVADOR ESPIN
Return with us again to the early days of the all-new, all-different, X-Men for all-new solo adventures of Wolverine and Kitty Pryde! The next generation of students has arrived at Xavier's School--Colossus, Storm, Nightcrawler, and the mysterious Wolverine--and with them, new teaching methods. Professor X pairs up green recruit Kitty Pryde with the been-everywhere, done-everything vet Logan, and neither of them are all that happy about it. But unless they learn to work together, neither of them will come back from their first mission together alive!
32 PGS./Rated A ...$2.99

• I came into the X-Men right about the time the whole Kitty Pryde/Wolverine bonding was taking place. As a matter of fact, I have a story idea that explain why Wolvie is so friendly with teenage girls (not in THAT way! Get you minds out of the gutter!). But it should be interesting to see how this book turns out.

WOLVERINE #63
Written by JASON AARON
Pencils & Cover by RON GARNEY
In the aftermath of "Messiah CompleX," Wolverine's quest for vengeance continues, taking him from the desolate hills of Afghanistan to the war-torn streets of Baghdad. Along the way, with his quarry throwing more and more innocents into the line of fire, Wolverine must ask himself: just how much collateral damage can he live with?
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$2.99

• Okay, not that I mind all that much, being a fan of Jason Aaron and all, but what happened to Marc Guggenheim? I thought he was the ongoing writer on the series? Does he really need a break after just one arc? Or was that all that he was on for?

LOGAN #1 (of 3)
Written by BRIAN K. VAUGHAN
Art & Cover by EDUARDO RISSO
Superstar artist Eduardo Risso (100 Bullets) joins critically acclaimed writer Brian K. Vaughan (TV's LOST, Y: The Last Man) for a unique take on the man who's the best there is at what he does. Finally armed with long-lost memories from his past, Wolverine returns to one of his first battlefields to settle an old score in an all-new adventure with a shocking revelation about the man known as Logan.
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Parental Advisory ...$3.99

• I got two different feelings after reading this solicitation. The first was "Yay! Finally! The Vaughan/Risso take on Wolvie arrives!". The second was "Is Marvel crazy for starting two new Wolverine series in the same month?".

PUNISHER #55
Written by GARTH ENNIS
Penciled by GORAN PARLOV
Cover by TIM BRADSTREET
"VALLEY FORGE, VALLEY FORGE: THE SLAUGHTER OF A U.S. MARINE GARRISON AND THE BIRTH OF THE PUNISHER," PART 1
Garth Ennis concludes his seminal run on PUNISHER -- in style. Thirty-five years ago, the Fifth Cavalry disgorged their troops on an isolated Vietnamese hilltop and was met by a scene of utter devastation. The final body count ran to well over seven-hundred -- almost 200 hundred of them American soldiers. Standing alone amidst the carnage, a sole survivor: Captain Frank Castle, who years later would be known as the most fearsome vigilante to walk the Earth: The Punisher. Now the Punisher is about to face his stiffest test: He's hunted big game in his day, but none as big as this. Five men with unlimited resources. Men who'd put anything between themselves and the Punisher's bullet. Men who know exactly who he is...and how to fight him.
32 PGS./Explicit Content ...$2.99

• Ennis leaving the Punisher? That is the definition of "bad news".

WAR IS HELL: THE FIRST FLIGHT OF THE PHANTOM EAGLE #1 (of 5)
Written by GARTH ENNIS
Penciled by HOWARD CHAYKIN
Cover by JOHN CASSADAY
Set against the grim backdrop of Word War I, mysterious aviator Karl Kaufmann arrives on the western front dressed outlandishly and at the controls of his own plane. Overconfident and full of romantic ideals, he has come to fight and kill the Hun. But soon Kaufmann confronts staggering loss and witnesses violence on a scale he has never imagined. In the process, he learns the harsh truth of conflict: war is hell. Written by Garth Ennis and drawn by Howard Chaykin.
32 PGS./Cardstock Cover/Explicit Content ...$3.99

• Damn you, Marvel!!!! I would have had no interest in getting a Phantom Eagle series. What do you do? Have Garth Ennis write it. And have Howard Chaykin draw it. And have it be a MAX series (and if there were a team of creators just crying out for the MAX imprint it would be Ennis and Chaykin). And, to top it off, you have John Cassady do the covers! Now, I must buy it! I Hate you Marvel!

ESSENTIAL OFFICIAL HANDBOOK OF THE
MARVEL UNIVERSE - MASTER EDITION VOL. 1 TPB
Written by LEN KAMINSKI, JAMIE TOST, MARK GRUENWALD &
GLENN HERDLING
Penciled by KEITH POLLARD
Cover by KEITH POLLARD
Heroes, villains, gods, demons, sorcerers, scientists, monsters, mobsters and a talking duck: More than one thousand dynamic dossiers, collected in alphabetical order for the first time across three volumes! From mutants to martial arts, street crime to space opera, espionage to other dimensions, horror to humor, the past to the future, no corner of Marvel is left untouched! Super-team rosters and histories, alien race outlines and so much more! Get to know the Universe now! Collecting material from the OFFICIAL HANDBOOK OF THE MARVEL UNIVERSE -- MASTER EDITION #1-36.
592 PGS./Rated A ...$16.99
ISBN: 978-0-7851-2730-7

• This makes my heart smile.