I rant about the "OpenSource Boob Project"

Gentle

Yes, I am one of the last to tackle this topic. After Get Off The Internet, Beaucoup Kevin,  Occasional Superheroine, The Beat and almost countless others have said what they had to say. I thought I said all I had to say about it in my comments on Val's blog, but I felt compelled to write more about it here.

What is the Open-Source Boob Project? Read more about it here but this is the gist of it:

The Open-Source Boob Project.

At Penguicon, we had buttons to give away. There were two small buttons, one for each camp: A green button that said, "YES, you may" and a red button that said "NO, you may not." And anyone who had those buttons on, whether you knew them or not, was someone you could approach and ask:

"Excuse me, but may I touch your breasts?"

And if you weren't a total lout - the women retained their right to say no, of course - they would push their chests out, and you would be allowed into the sanctity of it. That exchange of happiness where one person are told with gropes and touches that they are desirable and the other is someone who's allowed to desire.

For a moment, everything that was awkward about high school would fade away and you could just say what was on your mind. It was as though parts of me were being healed whenever I did it, and I touched at least fifteen sets of boobs at Penguicon. It never got old, surprisingly.

Some women didn't want to. That was fine. We never demanded anything of anyone. And if you didn't want to put yours up for the Project but you wanted to touch, well, that was fine, too. It was simply for folks who felt like being open.

It was a raging success at Penguicon.... And there haven't been any hookups that I know of thanks to the Open-Source Boob Project. It is, as I said, a very special thing. (Though I wouldn't rule it out if two single people exchanged a moment.) And we'll probably do it at other cons, because it's strangely wholesome and sexual at the same time.

I've left off the names, because frankly, people should reveal for themselves whether they're Open-Sourcers or not. Not everyone wants to go public with it, and what happens at the con stays at the con. But trust me. If you are, and I meet you, I will ask. And you'll understand the beauty and simplicity of the Open-Source Boob Project for yourself.

Touch the magic, my friends. Touch the magic.

Yes! A geek's glory land! Being able to touch a woman's boob without dinner and a movie first! Or even showering!

I have these few tips for anybody who thinks that this is a good idea:

1. It's not
2. No, really, it's not.
3. Not every woman wants their boobs touched.
4. Those that do might be coming from a wide variety of reasons. They are not all free thinkers who are comfortable with their bodies. So don't think that if someone doesn't want to have their boobs touched that means something is wrong with them. 
5. Couching your 'feeling girls up' project in new age-y jargon doesn't take a way from the fact that the whole point of the project is so you can get your rocks off by feeling a woman's boobs.
6. Don't try to deny it. You don't need to touch a woman's breasts to say her body is beautiful. You want to touch her breasts so you can touch her breasts.
7. Backpedaling by saying that people have misconstrued your "healing" and "wholesome" breast touching ritual and turned it to a lewd and perverted breast touching ritual doesn't really work. These people might be perverts, but they cut to the gist of your ideas.
8. And for those who think this misguided idea, which gives women a choice in the matter, allows you to just go up to any woman any a convention and cop a feel, you are really, really, REALLY mistaken. I feel sorry for your groin, which will probably be kicked. A LOT.
9. Anybody at a convention who comes up and grabs my wife's boobs will be power bombed through a table.
10. By HER, not ME.
11. If you are so socially maladjusted that the only way you can touch boobs is starting up a program where the willing will allow you to touch their boobs, might I suggest going to a strip club. The less reputable the better. Think BYOB. Sure, you have less money for Star Trek prop replicas and almost naked Japanese vinyl figurines, but, with the right stripper on the right night, you will be able to touch all the boobs you want.
12. Or better yet, how about you start treating women with dignity and respect. Treat them like human beings. Then you might actually get a girlfriend who would let you touch her boobs all the time. Yes, yes, I know. You'd have to start brushing your teeth and showering, and you'd have even less money for Star Trek prop replicas and mostly naked Japanese vinyl figurines and you'll be limited to only one pair of breasts for an extended period of time, but there are other benefits, like having someone care if you live or died.

See, I have a circle of friends where we come up with some wacky, off the wall ideas. But we usually keep these ideas to ourselves. We don't present these wacky, off the wall ideas to the general public where they will be viewed out of context and interpreted differently than we intended. That being said, theferret is either deluded or less suave than he thinks he is. Because as much as he tries to couch his groping in an intellectual way, in a way which he wants to appear is empowering to women, he is still trying to cop a feel of random women's boobies. And even though the women in his circle of friends do not think that's offensive, it doesn't mean that it's wrong for another woman to think it is.