I rant about the "OpenSource Boob Project"

Gentle

Yes, I am one of the last to tackle this topic. After Get Off The Internet, Beaucoup Kevin,  Occasional Superheroine, The Beat and almost countless others have said what they had to say. I thought I said all I had to say about it in my comments on Val's blog, but I felt compelled to write more about it here.

What is the Open-Source Boob Project? Read more about it here but this is the gist of it:

The Open-Source Boob Project.

At Penguicon, we had buttons to give away. There were two small buttons, one for each camp: A green button that said, "YES, you may" and a red button that said "NO, you may not." And anyone who had those buttons on, whether you knew them or not, was someone you could approach and ask:

"Excuse me, but may I touch your breasts?"

And if you weren't a total lout - the women retained their right to say no, of course - they would push their chests out, and you would be allowed into the sanctity of it. That exchange of happiness where one person are told with gropes and touches that they are desirable and the other is someone who's allowed to desire.

For a moment, everything that was awkward about high school would fade away and you could just say what was on your mind. It was as though parts of me were being healed whenever I did it, and I touched at least fifteen sets of boobs at Penguicon. It never got old, surprisingly.

Some women didn't want to. That was fine. We never demanded anything of anyone. And if you didn't want to put yours up for the Project but you wanted to touch, well, that was fine, too. It was simply for folks who felt like being open.

It was a raging success at Penguicon.... And there haven't been any hookups that I know of thanks to the Open-Source Boob Project. It is, as I said, a very special thing. (Though I wouldn't rule it out if two single people exchanged a moment.) And we'll probably do it at other cons, because it's strangely wholesome and sexual at the same time.

I've left off the names, because frankly, people should reveal for themselves whether they're Open-Sourcers or not. Not everyone wants to go public with it, and what happens at the con stays at the con. But trust me. If you are, and I meet you, I will ask. And you'll understand the beauty and simplicity of the Open-Source Boob Project for yourself.

Touch the magic, my friends. Touch the magic.

Yes! A geek's glory land! Being able to touch a woman's boob without dinner and a movie first! Or even showering!

I have these few tips for anybody who thinks that this is a good idea:

1. It's not
2. No, really, it's not.
3. Not every woman wants their boobs touched.
4. Those that do might be coming from a wide variety of reasons. They are not all free thinkers who are comfortable with their bodies. So don't think that if someone doesn't want to have their boobs touched that means something is wrong with them. 
5. Couching your 'feeling girls up' project in new age-y jargon doesn't take a way from the fact that the whole point of the project is so you can get your rocks off by feeling a woman's boobs.
6. Don't try to deny it. You don't need to touch a woman's breasts to say her body is beautiful. You want to touch her breasts so you can touch her breasts.
7. Backpedaling by saying that people have misconstrued your "healing" and "wholesome" breast touching ritual and turned it to a lewd and perverted breast touching ritual doesn't really work. These people might be perverts, but they cut to the gist of your ideas.
8. And for those who think this misguided idea, which gives women a choice in the matter, allows you to just go up to any woman any a convention and cop a feel, you are really, really, REALLY mistaken. I feel sorry for your groin, which will probably be kicked. A LOT.
9. Anybody at a convention who comes up and grabs my wife's boobs will be power bombed through a table.
10. By HER, not ME.
11. If you are so socially maladjusted that the only way you can touch boobs is starting up a program where the willing will allow you to touch their boobs, might I suggest going to a strip club. The less reputable the better. Think BYOB. Sure, you have less money for Star Trek prop replicas and almost naked Japanese vinyl figurines, but, with the right stripper on the right night, you will be able to touch all the boobs you want.
12. Or better yet, how about you start treating women with dignity and respect. Treat them like human beings. Then you might actually get a girlfriend who would let you touch her boobs all the time. Yes, yes, I know. You'd have to start brushing your teeth and showering, and you'd have even less money for Star Trek prop replicas and mostly naked Japanese vinyl figurines and you'll be limited to only one pair of breasts for an extended period of time, but there are other benefits, like having someone care if you live or died.

See, I have a circle of friends where we come up with some wacky, off the wall ideas. But we usually keep these ideas to ourselves. We don't present these wacky, off the wall ideas to the general public where they will be viewed out of context and interpreted differently than we intended. That being said, theferret is either deluded or less suave than he thinks he is. Because as much as he tries to couch his groping in an intellectual way, in a way which he wants to appear is empowering to women, he is still trying to cop a feel of random women's boobies. And even though the women in his circle of friends do not think that's offensive, it doesn't mean that it's wrong for another woman to think it is.

 

News articles are fun when you misread them.

So, today, in my internet travels, I came across an article with the headline:

"After rocky start, Batista leaves with groin strain"

I misread it as:

After a rocky start, Batista leaves with a groin stain.

I, too, would leave wherever I was if I had a groin stain.

 

Movie Review: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (and the previews before it)

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This is my second attempt at this review. Last time, I hit some buttons and got taken to my e-mail settings. If I go on a murderous rampage some time in the near future, just know that my desktop computer drove me to it.

Just so every one knows, this film features full frontal male nudity. More than one scene of it. If you've read anything about the movie, this should be no surprise. But if you haven't, don't be surprised.

That being said, I really liked this movie. It is produced by Judd Apatow and follows the "crude, but sweet" formula that he made popular.

Jason Segel wrote the movie and stars as Peter, a TV soundtrack composer who is dating a young, up and coming actress. That is, until she dumps him. He is distraught, and decides to vacation in Hawaii to get his mind off of things. Unfortunately, his ex is staying at the same hotel--with her new boyfriend.

That fact is an awesome coincidence, made more so that Peter comes to that particular hotel on a whim without a reservation.

That piece of sloppy writing aside, there are a lot of trite sterotypes this type of movie could fall into. The ex-girlfriend could be heartless and cruel, the new boyfriend, and arrogant jerk, the rest of the characters not well defined, etc. Segel avoids all these traps. Yes, Peter's Girlfriend Sarah, played by Kristen Bell, does break his heart, but her reason for breaking up with him is logical and believable. Her new boyfriend Aldous, played by Russell Brand, is a cad, but you'll like him in spite of yourself.

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Part of this can be due in part to the great acting. Each actor portrays their character with depth and emotion. There are no bad guys here, just human beings with complex emotions.

Special kudos goes to Brand. He does well in his role and, if there is as much improv in this movie as there is in the typical Apatow fare, he deserves credit for his top notch improving skills. He comes off with some of the funniest lines and delivers them well.

And Mila Kunis is simply charming as Rachel. The camera in this film loves her. Don't get me wrong, she is a pretty girl, but here she is absolutely gorgeous and beautiful.

There are a bit of the typical "break-up" film tropes that sneak in, but if you can handle the nudity and crudity, you will be charmed and touched by this movie.

Now the trailers;

• Sex and the City: People are saying this could be one of the biggest movies of the summer. I really don't see it. What is the draw? How will the movie be different than the TV show? What makes the movie so special? From this trailer, not much.
• Get Smart: Must see this movie. I am a fan of the cast, and the writing seems right there.
• The Wackness: The Sundance favorite and really seems like one too. I love the fact that it is set in 1994. Are we supposed to be nostalgic for the early 90s? I lived through the early 90's. There wasn't much to be nostalgic about.
• Incredible Hulk: I think this movie has the very strong possibility of rocking. Of kicking the ass mightily. The trailer portrays it as a chase movie first, action movie second, and cgi fest third. And, you know, I think the Hulk could work well with that format.
• Wanted: This one, however, is kind of eh. Not that I was a fan of the comic (I was too busy trying to figure out who J.G.Jones was modelling the characters after to listen to Mark Millar insult me), but this movie holds only a slight tether to that work. Why bother adapting it if it is unrecognizable to fans of the source material? And I've notice more focus in the trailer and posters is being placed on Angelina Joile. I wonder how that is going to work.

My Friday at the NYCC

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After two consecutive years of irritating visits to the New York Comic Con, I was glad one of my best friends was getting married this weekend. I was thinking that I could skip the con entirely. But friends from out of town were coming in, so, since I had Friday free, the wife and I decided to hit NYCC more as a way meet up with friends that we haven't seen in a while.

Imagine my surprise, against my negative expectations, I had one of my best convention going experiences!

Since I had class on Friday, the wife and I didn't get there until after 4PM, an hour after the con opened. I was expecting there to still be a line, but there wasn't. We got our lanyards and were able to walk right in.

The NYCC is in most, if not all, of the top section of the Javits Center this year. This means that the con felt much less crowded. The aisles were bigger too so you were free to walk and weren't bumping into each other. I don't know if the same went for Saturday, but this was a great change.

But best of all, the air conditioning was on. This means that this was the first convention where I wasn't sweating my ass off. Trust me, that was a good thing.

Since I was only going one day to the convention, I made a checklist of things I wanted to do. Luckily, I got most all of them done.

First off, I made a bee line over to the Harry Abrams booth so Mark Evanier could sign my copy of Kirby: King of Comics. I am a huge fan of Mr. Evanier and his newsfromme blog is an everyday read for me. And it should be for you as well.

Next on the list was I wanted to get a Knight Shadow Batman at the Mattel booth. Got it and two other figures.

Next I wanted to meet another of my favorite bloggers, Valerie D'Orazio of Occasional Superhero fame:

 

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Note: This will probably be the only appearance of my wife's face on my blog. She thinks that if her face is on the internet, someone will create an exact match of it to create a mask and use said mask to steal her identity, steal all our money and ruin her credit. But since Val already posted a similar picture on her blog, I think I can get away with it this one time.

Val was awesome. Very friendly and down to Earth. I'm really glad I went over to say hi. And we bought a trade from the MoCCA/Friends of Lulu table, which helps both worthy causes.

I will say this. I am going to have to lose some weight. I am a Val-and-a-half-wide. That's not good.

The MoCCA/Friends of Lulu booth was near the Dark Horse booth. So Jen and I decided to go and pick up the hottest commodity of the NYCC--The big yellow bags that Dark Horse was giving away free. These were all over the con as they were big, roomy and excellent for carrying all of your purchases.

But while we were there they were setting up for a Mike Mignola signing. I was a fan back to his days on Alpha Flight and Hulk. I didn't intend on going to the signing. But there was only a small line while I was there so I decide, why not?

 

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 That's Joshua Dysart in the back, handing me my autograph book. Duncan Fergedo, Paul Azaceta, and John Arcudi also signed the book. I have a picture of Mr. Arcudi, but since he doesn't like to have his photo taken, I will honor at least part of his wishes and not put it on my blog. (BTW< the not taking pictures isn't a diva thing for him. He just doesn't like it. Seeing myself in these pictures, I'm beginning to see where he's coming from in a personal sense.)

From there, we booked it over to artists alley where I met one of my idols, Geoff Johns:

 

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I actually got to tell him that he writes a great "last page". I told him that many times reading the JSA. that I came to his last page, I really wanted it not to end and eagerly awaited the next issue.

What's cool, is that when he signed my book, he drew a little Hawkman mask around his name. This is the second writer who drew something in my book. Brian K. Vaughan drew a monkey when he signed my book. which was cool.

I had wanted to get Peter David's autograph, but, unfortunately, he wasn't there. Unfortunately, his wife got in a traffic accident which caused him to leave early. She's okay, but he did the right thing.

After this, we needed to sit down and relax. So we bought some overpriced drinks from Starbucks and went downstairs. It was down there where I realized I might be secretly a Skrull.

 

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Or, even worse, secretly a Simpson!

 

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Yes, I am a dork. But I am a fun dork, if that counts for anything.

As we were waiting there, this big group of people walks by. A bunch of NYCC red-shirts, a couple suits and an extremely skinny woman were in the group. Turns out, that it was that noted comic writer Jenna Jameson herself. Funny thing is, she passed us by at 7:15PM, a time which she was supposed to be at that "Girls who kick ass" panel that she should never have been a part of. I don't know what this means. One option was that she went to the panel, found out she really had nothing to add, and left. That would be funny, but unlikely. More likely she was just late, pulling a diva stunt, like being called a comic writer for coming up with an outline for a Virgin series makes her worthy of being on the same panel as Louise Simonson and Colleen Doran and isn't a big enough diva stunt the way it is.

But I digress.

We went back up and walked around for a few minutes. Jen picked up some Sojourn trades from the Checker tabel. Then we went back downstairs and met our friend--and my employer--Rich Drees of Film Buff Online fame after the X-Files 2 panel. 

 

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And since Rich is a cool guy. He posed with me, masked.

 

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This way, when he becomes a respected movie critic on the lines of Roger Ebert or Pauline Kael, a picture of him wearing a Lisa Simpson mask will be on the internet. And I'm glad that I can make that happen.

Then we went upstairs and met our friend, Jeff Stolarcyk, of Conditional Axe, Another Castle and Snackbar Games fame 

 

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We decided to take them to one of our favorite places to eat in the city, Stout. Usually, it is so crowded that you can't get a seat, but that was not the case on Friday. It was, however, louder than usual. Not very condusive to conversation. But the food and drink was good, so we had that going for us.

 

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Now, in order to make this the longest post ever, my thoughts on some of the NYCC announcements.

ITEM!!: Gail Simone to write a Secret Six ongoing: Three words. This. Is. Awesome. But since I am a negative bastard, I just hope this isn't like the recent Waid/Flash thing where Gail only writes the first six issue and then leaves. Speaking of Waid...

ITEM!!! Mark Waid joins the Amazing Spider-Man writing team: I thought that his BOOM! EIC duties would preclude doing anything else, but maybe just being part of the rotation makes this work. He's a good fit nonetheless.

ITEM!!! Trailer for The Spirit debuts: Somebody should tie Frank Miller to a chair and explain to him, at length, that not every comic property worked better if you make it exactly like Sin City. Actually, most don't.

ITEM!!! Marvel announces Marvel Apes: I am not a big fan of apes, so I could be wrong when I say this is the stupidest idea ever, but this is the stupidest idea ever. Most stupidest. But I do know that this is really too much like the JLApe story line DC did years ago. You know what, Marvel, instead of releasing Indentity Disc the same time DC released Identity Crisis and apeing DC's Invasion and Millenium with Secret Invasion, and now this one, why don't you show some real back bone and do a crisis of your own. Serious, stop pussyfooting around and just do it already.

ITEM!!! Duane Swierczynski, Gregg Hurwitz  and Victor Gischler replace Garth Ennis on Punisher: It takes three writers to replace him, and they still seem puny in comparisson. Credit to you, Mr. Ennis.

ITEM!!! Gordon Lee case dismissed: See what happens when the D.A. can't price a defendant out of pleading not guilty? Justice, at a cost, is finally served. BTW, donate to the CBLDF.

ITEM!!! Power Girl gets her own ongoing: Palmiotti, Gray and Connor make this a must pick up.

ITEM!! Stan Lee to create superhero line for Virgin:  There is a joke out there somewhere about Lee working for the same company--in the same capacity--as Jenna Jameson, but I just can't wrap my mind around it. Anyone care to take a shot? 

CNN.com irritates me in two very different ways.

Everyday, I get an e-mail from CNN.com listing their top ten most popular stories of the day. Today was no different, but two particular stories caught my eye and raised my ire.

First off, the number 8, most popular story on the site was this:

Martha Stewart's dog dies.

I am not making this up. Some would say Martha Stewart dying wouldn't really be CNN.com newsworthy, but her dog? And enough people clicked on it that it ranked number eight? Really?

I am not saying I hate dogs. I love dogs. And I know losing a pet can be really sad. But what I am saying is that if the pet of a bint who is most known for stock fraud and making festive centerpieces for fancy dinner party dies, it should not be covered by a reputable news website, at least if it wants to stay reputable.

 

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The other thing that made me angry was a recent speech by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (The story about the speech ranked #5).

In the speech, the Iranian dickwad made this outright lie:

"Four or five years ago, a suspicious event occurred in New York. A building collapsed and they said that 3,000 people had been killed but never published their names."  

I am a Democrat and, on a lot of things I am a liberal, but right now I want to bomb Iran back to the stone age (which for them is only 100 years or so) just because of this comment.

I love it when people lie, thinking that just because they hold power that it will become the truth. And maybe in Iran that works.

Perhaps I'm being to harsh and the Iranian dickwad was merely uninformed. So, listen up, Mr. Iranian dickwad president guy. Not only have the names of the victims of 9/11 been published, each and every 9/11 ALL THE NAMES OF THE VICTIMS ARE READ AT THE WORLD TRADE CENTER SITE!!!!!!! They usually televise it, Iranian dickwad, perhaps you should check it out. Or, if you come back to the US after the site is rebuilt, you can just go over and read the names inscribed on the memorial there. Maybe that would be of a help.

Yeah, I know. He was probably just trying to get Americans angry. Well, he succeeded.

The Top 10 Things That Would Be Said To The Pope If He Showed Up At The NYCC

Okay, so, as most of you know, the NYCC is coming to NY this week. So, apparently, is the Pope. This got me and the friends I a going to meet up with at the con to talking. Which got me to come up with this Top Ten list. From the home office in Dupont, Pennsylvania:

The Top 10 Things That Would Be Said To The Pope If He Showed Up At The NYCC

10. Excuse me, but are you Marie Severin?

9. Which Yu-Gi-Oh character are you supposed to be?

8. Can you bless my copy of Giant Size X-Men #1?

7. I'm sorry, you'll have to move. That's Stan Lee's seat.

6. Sorry, I don't have any copies of "Picture Stories from the Bible" with me.

5. Please stop spraying Grant Morrison with Holy water.

4. Do your "Water into wine" superpower.

3. You're just a retcon of Pope John Paul.

2. What the BLANK are you doing here?

1. If the devil comes to YOU and offers you a deal to, say, I don't know, dissolve your marriage in return for your elderly aunt to return to health, you wouldn't get in trouble, right? I mean, it's not like YOU went to HIM, right?

I rant about the Marvel & DC July solicitations!

Another round of solicitation mockery. Up first is Marvel. But before we start, let me just say something:

 

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This is what happens when Greg Horn doesn't use photo reference.

DARK TOWER: END-WORLD ALMANAC
Written by ANTHONY FLAMINI & ROBIN FURTH
Cover by JAE LEE & RICHARD ISANOVE
Woe unto those who traverse beyond the cursed Borderlands into End-World! ’Tis a twisted and desolate realm where it seems as if the world passed ages ago. From the blasted landscapes of Thunderclap to the frozen heights of Empathica, End-World shows no mercy to unwary young Gunslingers. In a world where information - and a bit of luck - is the key to survival, the End-World Almanac serves as your guide to the Badlands, Le Casse Roi Russe and beyond!
32 PGS./CARDSTOCK COVER/Parental Advisory …$3.99
©2008 Stephen King. All rights reserved

• Would it have killed them to just say "this tells you all you need about the world of Dark Tower?"

ULTIMATE X-MEN #96
Written by ARON ELI COLIETE
Penciled by MARK BROOKS
Cover by GABRIELE DELL’OTTO
X-Men vs. X-Men! After their attack on Alpha Flight, Colossus and his team are wanted fugitives! Worse, they’ve become addicted to the insidious drug known as Banshee! Now it’s up to the other X-Men to take them down. Yes, it’s mutant vs. mutant! When the X-Men go to war with each other, who wins? Plus, the startling revelation of Jean Grey! Where did she go after defeating Apocalypse? Find out here!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Poor Banshee. Killed off in the mainstream universe, and in the Ultimate one he's not even a character. He's just a drug. 

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #564
Written by BOB GALE, Marc Guggenheim & DAN SLOTT
Penciled by Paulo Siqueira
Cover by CHRIS BACHALO
It's a good old fashioned He Said/He Said/He Said when Spidey, Vin Gonzales and SWING SHIFT Heavy OVERDRIVE find themselves in a car chase across the Big Apple! Three members of our Braintrust's best give you each side of the same story, as Gale, Guggenheim and Slott team up for “TRAFFIC JAM!”
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• Why do I think that this issue result in from a conversation that went like this: "Steve, I'm running late! I can't finish writing a full issue in time! Issue #564 will have to be late!"  "Whoa! Whoa! Could you finish a third of an issue?" "Yeah, but..." "Hold on, I'll call you back. I have an idea."

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #565
Written by MARC GUGGENHEIM
Pencils & Cover by PHIL JIMENEZ
Her name is . She's Spider-Man's newest and most terrifying nemesis -- and she just discovered his secret identity. With an army of villains at her command, even with the help of Daredevil, can Spidey protect his secret identity from his new foe? Find out as Marc Guggenheim and Phil Jimenez give you the fight of Spidey’s life against the Brand New !
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• Take a look at that first sentence. Her name is what, exactly? I mean, come on Marvel! I know solicitations are probably low on your things to do, but at least have someone look them over! The general public is going to see this!
• And Brand New is a goofy, goofy name for a character.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY EXTRA!!
Written by JOE KELLY, MARC GUGGENHEIM & ZEB WELLS
Art by CHRIS BACHALO & VARIOUS
Cover by GREG LAND
Even with three issues every month, we can't fit everything we want into Amazing Spider-Man. So BRAND NEW DAY: EXTRA!! takes a deeper glimpse into Spidey's new world with three stories that flesh out his family, friends and foes, stories that will affect Spidey deeply over the coming months. Spidey Braintrust members Guggenheim and Wells welcome Joe Kelly (DEADPOOL, Superman) for a one-shot marking the return of one of Peter's most unforgettable enemies: Hammerhead! It's a sign of things to come…and it's looking deadly.
48 PGS./Rated A…$3.99

• Or, in other words, Marvel doesn't think you're spending enough on this whole Brand New Day thing. Three books a month is just too little!

AVENGERS/INVADERS #3 (of 12)
Written by JIM KRUEGER & ALEX ROSS
Penciled by STEVE SADOWSKI
Cover by ALEX ROSS
Variant Cover by OLIVIER COIPEL
The King of Atlantis vs the Prince of Atlantis with an entire kingdom as the ultimate prize. Alex Ross, Jim Krueger and Steve Sadowski continue the year’s most surprising cross-time epic with a battle that promises to tear two centuries asunder. Plus, more clues to the mystery of just how the Invaders landed in 2008!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• I thought the time travel cliche was that if a future self met up with their past self, the universe would be destroyed?

CAPTAIN AMERICA: WHITE #0
Written by JEPH LOEB
Pencils & Cover by TIM SALE
Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, the Eisner award winning team (DAREDEVIL: YELLOW, SPIDER-MAN: BLUE, HULK: GRAY, Batman: The Long Halloween, Superman For All Seasons, Television's HEROES) return to Marvel and their prestigious "color" book series. CAPTAIN AMERICA: WHITE is their newest creation, peeling back an untold tale of Captain America and Bucky during World War II. Their unique combination of in-depth characters and high stakes action shines here with Cap's deadliest mission of all. Marvel is proud to bring you Captain America: #0 this summer as a taste of what’s to come. Featuring an all new full story about the Origin of Bucky Barnes and how he came into Cap’s life, this special edition features a cover gallery, sketchbook, script samples, and an interview with the creators. They are happy to be back at Marvel and we're thrilled to have them! Plus, the whole story seen in black-and-white.
48 PGS./Cardstock Cover/All Ages …$3.99

• BTW, I DO NOT think the title of this book is racist. And I think that anybody whose inclination is to think it is should just unclench.

FANTASTIC FOUR #559
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by BRYAN HITCH
You should have remembered the old adage, Johnny: love the woman, love her family. And when the woman is the super-villain called Psionics, that raises the stakes to a whole other level. Now it’s the morning after, and Lightwave, Natalie X, Alex U-16, Doc Banner and the Burning Man expect you to live up to your responsibilities. It’s the Human Torch’s worst break-up ever -- or will it be a shotgun wedding? Plus: where in the world is Doctor Doom?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Speaking of horrible character names.

FANTASTIC FOUR: TRUE STORY #1 (of 4)
Written by PAUL CORNELL
Penciled by HORACIO DOMINGUEZ
Cover by NIKO HENRICHON
A threat to the minds of the whole human race sends the FF somewhere they've never been before: into the realm of fiction itself! Where Ben finds himself clobbering a demonic army to save the cast of Sense and Sensibility. No, really. And it gets weirder from there. Dante (not the one from Clerks)! Willie Lumpkin! Behold, the Fictocraft! And it's actually kind of smart and serious too. You're at least going to flip open the first page in your comic store, right?
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• Do you get the feeling Mr. Solicitation Writer guy likes writing blurbs for some books more than others. I mean, it seem like he just kinda gave up on this one towards the end.

IMMORTAL IRON FIST #17
Written by Duane Swierczynski
Pencils and Cover by Travel Foreman
“The Mortal Iron Fist" part 1 of 4
Marvels’ kickingest, punchingest, kung-fu-iest book just got bigger! Following the character-redefining, critically-acclaimed, fan-favorite events of “The Seven Capital Cities of Heaven,” the all-new IMMORTAL IRON FIST creative team of Duane Swierczynski (CABLE) and Travel Foreman (ARES) takes it to the next explosive level! Think you know everything there is to know about the traditions of the Immortal Iron Fist? If you do, then why’s Danny sweating bullets over an inescapable legacy that’s haunted the Iron Fists for centuries, huh? Tell us that, if you’re so smart. What was the deeper meaning of Xao’s ominous threat? And what incredible new adventure are Danny’s fellow Immortal Weapons embarking upon?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• How could replacing Brubaker/Fraction on the book with Duane Swierczynski make the book bigger? Is this some kind of wacky, opposite world we're talking about here?

MARVEL ADVENTURES SUPER HEROES #1
Written by PAUL TOBIN
Penciled by ALVIN LEE
Cover by ROGER CRUZ
It’s probably a bad sign when Hercules comes asking for a favor. It’s juuuuuust a little job that needs doing, but this is Hercules; isn’t he supposed to be REALLY good at doing labors himself? Before they know it, Iron Man, Spider-Man and the Hulk are stuck looking after Orthus and Cerberus, the two legendary hounds of the underworld! Luckily, the dogs learn to behave after chewing up only a few cars, a statue, and Iron Man, and finally they’re obedient enough for the Metro Dog Show! Only problem, Hercules wants the dogs back. Oh no, Herc, not before the Hulk gets his ribbon! It’s two dogs with five heads between them, and all the action you can handle.
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

• HULK DON'T GET RIBBON, HULK SMASH!!!!!! HULK THINK DOGGIE GAIT JUST FINE!!! FIND HULK'S DOGGIE'S CHEW TOY OR HULK'S DOGGIE WILL SMASH!!!!

MARVEL ADVENTURES HULK #13
Written by PETER DAVID
Penciled by JUAN ROMAN
CANO SANTACRUZ
Cover by SEAN GORDON MURPHY
Hulk and his traveling buddies (fun-loving teen, Rick Jones and rollicking monkey, Monkey) have returned to New York City to find something amiss… all the super heroes have been transformed into ravenous, stumbling monsters! But can even the strength of the Hulk stand up to the unstoppable… MARVEL MUMMIES?!? Fan-fave Hulk creator Peter David comes to Marvel Adventures Hulk with unlucky issue 13, bringing our most mummified issue ever!
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

• Two things: 1) Peter David on the Hulk is always a good thing, 2) The way Marvel does things, there will be a Marvel Mummies miniseries in the future, and then a whole bunch of Mummy Variant covers soon after.

PATSY WALKER: HELLCAT, AGENT OF THE INITIATIVE #1 (of 5)
Written by KATHRYN IMMONEN
Penciled by DAVID LAFUENTE
Cover by STUART IMMONEN
Patsy Walker, S.H.I.E.L.D. wants YOU to join the Initiative…and protect the frozen north. You heard me right, sister. The Klondike. Seward’s Folly. Alaska. So pack some long johns and prepare for trouble. GUEST-STARRING: IRON MAN!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

• I am glad that Marvel Comics Presents are spawning miniseries, but if the series has Initiative in its title, wouldn't Iron Man automatically be guest-starring? Would it really be all-caps worthy?

SECRET INVASION #1 DIRECTOR’S CUT
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Penciled by LEINIL YU
Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
Go behind the scenes of the event that will change the Marvel Universe forever! The shape-shifting alien race known as the Skrulls has secretly infiltrated every super-powered organization on Earth with one goal: full-scale invasion! Now, get closer to the action than ever before! This bonus edition reprints SECRET INVASION #1 in its entirety - plus the SECRET INVASION PROLOGUE, previously available only online, and other choice extras!
64 PGS./ Rated T+ …$4.99

• The series is only four issues old and it's getting a "Director's Cut" already? Really?

SQUADRON SUPREME 2 #1
Written by HOWARD CHAYKIN
Penciled by MARCO TURINI
Cover by GREG LAND
“POWER TO THE PEOPLE” PART 1 (OF 6)
They were gods walking the Earth… powerful but flawed, they dreamed of remaking the world in their image. After their apocalyptic battle with Redstone, and after their terrifying fight with the Ultimate Universe, that dream has become a nightmare. While mankind struggles to rebuild, new heroes appear -- and Nick Fury, left behind after the hit ULTIMATE POWER limited series, learns the shocking secrets of four astronauts who returned to Earth…changed. Join comics legend HOWARD CHAYKIN and newcomer MARCO TURINI to ask the question -- whatever happened to the Squadron Supreme?
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

• I know it's been a while since the last issue came out, but how bad is it that I can't seem to recognize anybody on this cover?

TRUE BELIEVERS #1 (of 5)
Written by CARY BATES
Pencils & Cover by PAUL GULACY
“PAYBACK IS A BITCH”
Super heroes running a female fight club? Unbelievable perhaps, but it's a tale of depravity that will send shockwaves across the globe once the sordid details appear on a podcast uploaded by the TRUE BELIEVERS! Who are these counter-culture subversives with strange powers and abilities who have proclaimed themselves 'warriors of the information age'? The True Believers not only speak truth to power, they wield it like a weapon using it to root out lies and deception, cover-ups and conspiracies wherever they find them. Whether it’s S.H.I.E.L.D. or the Illuminati, HYDRA or Weapon X, the CIA or the CSA, no target is too big and no one is off-limits -- including a wary superhuman community with plenty of its own secrets to hide!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• Wow! Cary Bates, back writing comics! What's next? Elliot S! Maggin?

UNCANNY X-MEN #500
Written by ED BRUBAKER & MATT FRACTION
Penciled by GREG LAND & TERRY DODSON
50/50 Wraparound Cover by ALEX ROSS
50/50 Wraparound Cover by GREG LAND
Variant Cover by MICHAEL TURNER
Variant Cover by TERRY DODSON
“SFX”, PART 1!
Sentinels? What? And Magneto? And is that the Master Mold? What the hell is going on in San Francisco now that the Uncanny X-Men have relocated there? They’ve got a new Headquarters and a new status quo as the gauntlet is thrown for a new era of mutantkind. It’s all here in the double-sized anniversary issue that sets up the plotlines that will be developed over the next year in UNCANNY. And it’s all brought to you by the hot writing team of Ed Brubaker & Matt Fraction (Immortal Iron Fist) and fan favorite artists Greg Land (ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR, X-MEN: FREE COMIC BOOK DAY) and Terry Dodson (SPIDER-MAN/BLACK CAT, Wonder Woman). New creators, new home. The future begins now.
48 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

• So, am I supposed to be excited that the X-Men are in San Francisco? Uh, okay. Yay.

CABLE #5
Written by DUANE SWIERCZYNSKI
Pencils & Cover by ARIEL OLIVETTI
Variant Cover by MARC SILVESTRI
The war that started in “Messiah CompleX” continues here! Hang on to your Bjorn-straps, people: Here it is, the can’t-miss conclusion to “War Baby”! Both Cable and Bishop have crossed lines they thought they’d never cross. There’s no going back now. And in the disaster-ravaged streets of a near-future Manhattan, it all comes down to which X-Man wants to accomplish his objective more. The gloves are off…the guns are loaded…and nobody’s going to walk out of this one unscathed…
including the baby!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

• NO! NOT THE BABY! (See, this is what happens when you put the kid in from of you in your bandolier strap)

X-MEN: ODD MEN OUT ONE-SHOT
Written by ROGER STERN & MICHAEL HIGGINS
Penciled by DAVE COCKRUM
Cover by ERIC NGUYEN
Featuring two never-before-seen stories illustrated by the late, legendary Dave Cockrum. First up, relive the history of the
X-Men, as recounted by Professor X and his old friend, former FBI Agent Fred Duncan. Then, the New Mutants - Rictor, Boom Boom, Cannonball, Rusty, Skids, Sunspot and Wolvesbane - face off against the Mad Thinker.
48 PGS./Rated A …$3.99

• Not that paying tribute to Dave Cockrum isn't a good cause, especially if some money goes to his widow, but who thinks these stories have been stuck in a drawer somewhere for 20 years.

FINAL CRISIS #3
Written by Grant Morrison
Art and covers by J.G. Jones

Batman missing in action! Superman immobilized! Green Lantern on trial for his life!
A shadow is falling across Earth’s super heroes -- and now it’s Wonder Woman’s turn to face the Evil Gods!
What bizarre warning from beyond awaits Frankenstein, The Question and the agents of S.H.A.D.E. in the shadows of the Dark Side Club? What grim fate lies in store for The Human Flame? What happens when the Anti-Life Equation hits the internet? Can the Fastest Men Alive outrun The Black Racer -- Death himself? And who are the Justifiers?
The answers are all here as the unstoppable rise of evil continues in FINAL CRISIS #3 by Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones.

Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers by J.G. Jones that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.

On sale July 30 • 3 of 7 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

• I don't know. I'm still not feeling it. 

FINAL CRISIS: REQUIEM #1
Written by Peter J. Tomasi
Art by Doug Mahnke & Christian Alamy
Covers by J.G. Jones and Doug Mahnke

A very special FINAL CRISIS one-shot honoring the passing of a great hero who’s been a staple in the DC Universe for years. All that remains is one final memory that the League experiences together as they must fulfill his last wishes or die trying!

Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers (one by J.G. Jones and one by Doug Mahnke) that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.

On sale July 9 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

• Yes, this will honor the A-list hero who will be back in six months, or the Z-list hero no one cared about until they were killed off--who also will be back in six months. 

 

FINAL CRISIS: ROGUES’ REVENGE #1
Written by Geoff Johns
Art and covers by Scott Kolins

The critically-acclaimed FLASH team of writer Geoff Johns and artist Scott Kolins reunites for a tale of villainy and twisted justice tying in to FINAL CRISIS! Captain Cold and the Rogues were accessories to the murder of Bart Allen. They’ve become what they never set out to be -- wanted! Wanted by the good guys, by former Rogue Pied Piper, and by the Secret Society of Super-Villains. But just as they try to disappear underground, good, old-fashioned revenge yanks them back. And where is the Flash during all of this? It’s a Crisis -- take a guess.

Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers by Scott Kolins that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio. Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale July 16 • 1 of 3 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US

• Thanks DC. Putting Johns and Kolins back on Flash? You're forcing me to throw my plans to cut back on my comics buying out the window.

AMBUSH BUG: YEAR NONE #1
Written by Keith Giffen & Robert Loren Fleming
Art by Giffen & Al Milgrom
Cover by J.H. Williams III
Variant cover by Giffen

The wait is over -- everyone's favorite Bug is back, courtesy of the original AMBUSH BUG team of Keith Giffen and Robert Loren Fleming! Cities will be destroyed! Cats and dogs will live in sin! Every unanswered question of the DC Universe will be answered! Live heroes will die and dead heroes will live! Okay, none of that actually happens, but join us anyway for this totally irreverent romp through the DC Universe as only Ambush Bug could give you!
Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 10 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by J.H. Williams), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Keith Giffen). Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.

On sale July 23 • 1 of 6 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• See above.

BATMAN #679
Written by Grant Morrison
Art by Tony Daniel & Sandu Florea
Cover by Alex Ross
Variant cover by Daniel

“Batman R.I.P.” -- Part 4! Robin and Damian team up -- yes, you read that right -- to search for the missing Batman. Meanwhile, the Club of Villains -- The Hunchback, Pierrot Lunaire, King Kraken, Charlie Caligula, Scorpiana and El Sombrero -- rampage through Gotham City! This incredible fourth chapter of “Batman R.I.P.” ends with the surprising return of a character you never thought you’d see again!

Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 25 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by Alex Ross), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Tony Daniel). Please see the Previews Order Form for more information.
On sale July 23 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Could that character be Batman?

THE JOKER’S ASYLUM

THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: THE JOKER #1
Written by Arvid Nelson
Art by Alex Sanchez
Cover by Andy Kubert
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: PENGUIN #1
Written by Jason Aaron
Art and cover by Jason Pearson
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: POISON IVY #1
Written by J.T. Krul
Art and cover by Guillem March
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: SCARECROW #1
Written by Joe Harris
Art and cover by Juan Doe
THE JOKER’S ASYLUM: TWO-FACE #1
Written by David Hine
Art and cover by Andy Clarke

A cast of top creators lends their talents to THE JOKER’S ASYLUM -- a special month-long, weekly series of one-shots starring the greatest villains in Batman’s rogues gallery.

Each issue tells a special stand-alone story that gives readers an inside look into the insane lives of the Dark Knight’sgreatest adversaries. And all the stories are narrated by the Asylum’s leading homicidal maniac -- The Joker!

THE JOKER on sale July 2 • PENGUIN on sale July 9 • POISON IVY on sale July 16 • SCARECROW on sale July 23 • TWO-FACE on sale July 30 • Each 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Ah, The "let's release a lot of Batman books to coincide with the movie" tactic. Because, you know, people coming in shops wouldn't buy any of the 15 regular monthly Batman series.

CATWOMAN #81
Written by Will Pfeifer
Art by David Lopez & Alvaro Lopez
Cover by Adam Hughes

Catwoman’s on the run in Gotham City once more. Can she stay one step ahead of Batman while trying to turn the tables on the man who’s destroyed her life?
On sale July 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • FINAL ISSUE

BATGIRL #1
Written by Adam Beechen
Art by Jim Calafiore & Jonathan Glapion
Cover by Andy Clarke

Fresh from appearances in BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS, the enigmatic Cassandra Cain stars in this six-issue miniseries written by Adam Beechen (COUNTDOWN, ROBIN) with pencils by Jim Calafiore (GOTHAM UNDERGROUND)!

Now that Batgirl has finally gained Batman’s trust, it’s time to conquer her inner demons and prove herself to the rest of the world. This six-issue epic will take Cassandra on an intense, personal journey involving friends, family and foes!

On sale July 16 • 32 pg, FC, 1 of 6, $2.99 US

• Catwoman ends but Batgirl begins? Sad.

TWO-FACE YEAR ONE #1
Written by Mark Sable
Art by Jesus Saiz & Jimmy Palmiotti
Cover by Mark Chiarello

In a time of corruption and greed, the only force keeping Gotham City from collapsing into utter chaos included Assistant District Attorney Harvey Dent, a cop named Jim Gordon, a vigilante known only as Batman -- and a mysterious group of untouchable crimefighters working outside the law. Be here to witness the beginning of a legacy, when a meeting between Gotham’s Finest and Gotham’s Vilest spawn the protectors who will safeguard Gotham’s future, as well as the monster who will try to burn it to the ground.

Don’t miss the start of this exciting 2-part miniseries featuring one of The Dark Knight’s most fearsome foes!

On sale July 16 • 1 of 2, 48 pg, Prestige Format, FC, $5.99 US

• Movie tie-ins are okay, but you get only 2 issues instead of the ordinary 6.

BLUE BEETLE #29
Written by Matthew Sturges
Art and cover by Rafael Albuquerque

New series writer Matthew Sturges (JACK OF FABLES, HOUSE OF MYSTERY) comes aboard to kick off “Boundaries,” with returning series artist Rafael Albuquerque! As Blue Beetle struggles to establish himself as the protector of El Paso and Cuidad Juarez, he finds himself thrown into the heart of the immigration struggle, made all the more complicated by the involvement of Intergang -- and another, more mysterious, figure. Coming at you straight outta Texas, Sturges takes our hero into new territory as Beetle works out his responsibilities as both a hero in the DC Universe and a citizen of a border town.

On sale July 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• I don't know if Matt Sturges is the right guy to take over BB. I mean, I like his Jack of Fables and his wrapping up of Shadowpact was okay, but using the immigration conflict as a story idea seems a bit cliched.

THE ALL-NEW ATOM #25
Written by Rick Remender
Art by Pat Olliffe & John Stanisci
Cover by Ladrönn
Out of place, out of time and out of hope, Ray Palmer and Ryan Choi face the Worm-Man from the sub-atomic prison world of Lady Chronos! Will Ryan make the ultimate sacrifice so Ray and the rest of Ivy Town can live to see another day?

On sale July 2 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • FINAL ISSUE

• Aw! This sucks. I guess Remender/Oliffe were only brought on to wrap things up.

THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #15
Written by Mark Waid
Art and cover by Scott Kolins

The siege of Nanda Parbat continues as Green Arrow and Deadman get some much-needed assistance from Nightwing and Hawkman!

On sale July 23 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Okay, the artist on this book has made a serious downturn. Let's stop it before it goes any father.

GREEN ARROW/BLACK CANARY #10
Written by Judd Winick
Art by Mike Norton & Wayne Faucher
Cover by Cliff Chiang
Speedy and the shady Dodger are up against the League of Assassins by themselves -- until Batman joins in. And along the way, the Dark Knight lets them in on Ra's al Ghul's involvement in the assassination attempt on Connor Hawke!
On sale July 9 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Notice what's missing from this solicitation? The words Green, Arrow, Black and Canary.

JONAH HEX #33
Written by Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray
Art and cover by Darwyn Cooke

A special issue drawn by Eisner Award-winning artist Darwyn Cooke (DC: THE NEW FRONTIER, THE SPIRIT)! Jonah Hex travels to Canada on the trail of his latest bounty. But with the Mounties hot on his heels, this isn't going to be an easy job.

On sale July 2 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• This makes me happy.

MANHUNTER #32
Written by Marc Andreyko
Art by Michael Gaydos
Cover by Liam Sharp
Drawn deeper into the politics of a missing-persons mystery, Manhunter calls on local heroes -- and even villains -- to navigate the twilight world of the U.S.-Mexican border, invoking the wrath of Director Bones and the DEO!

On sale July 2 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Wow. Two comics with immigration themes. It's gone from cliched to redundant. But at least Manhunter's back!

THE SPIRIT #19
Written by Sergio Aragones & Mark Evanier
Art and cover by Paul Smith

Once again the Spirit finds a way to cheat death in Central City in his trademark two-fisted-yet-lighthearted fashion!
On sale July 23 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Or, in other words. "We don't know what the hell is in this issue!"

MILLENNIUM TP
Written by Steve Englehart
Art by Joe Staton, Ian Gibson and others
Cover by Joe Staton & Mark Farmer

The 1988 8-issue miniseries MILLENNIUM is collected for the first time! The Guardians of the Universe have left our dimension behind -- and in their absence, the deadly robotic army of Manhunters threatens the survival of the DC Universe!

Advance-solicited; on sale August 6 • 192 pg, FC, $19.99 US

INVASION TP
Written by Keith Giffen & Bill Mantlo
Art by Todd McFarlane, Bart Sears, P. Craig Russell, Joe Rubinstein and others
Cover by McFarlane & Rubinstein

The massive 3-issue miniseries from 1988 is collected for the first time! In this universe-spanning saga, the deadly but emotionless Dominators have come to Earth to wipe out the threat posed by metahumans. But what is the real reason for their attack?

Advance-solicited; on sale August 27 • 256 pg, FC, $24.99 US

• Released, apparently, to tie-in to Marvel's Secret Invasion.

WILDCATS: WORLD’S END #1
Written by Christos Gage
Art by Neil Googe and Trevor Hairsine
Covers by Neil Googe

After the shattering conclusion of NUMBER OF THE BEAST, a jaw-dropping new status quo will be established in the WildStorm Universe -- and it begins now! Christos Gage (WILDSTORM: ARMAGEDDON, THE AUTHORITY: PRIME) and Neil Googe (WELCOME TO TRANQUILITY, MAJESTIC) bring a unique new vision to the classic Wildcats team, reuniting the classic team with some surprising new members. Also, a new monthly backup story begins, kicked off with the return of John Lynch by Gage and X-Men: Deadly Genesis artist Trevor Hairsine!

Retailers please note: This issue will feature two covers that will ship in approximately 50/50 ratio and join together to form a single image. Please see the Previews Order Form for more details.

On sale July 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Hey, if at first you don't succeed, well, keep trying until you do.

STORMING PARADISE #1
Written by Chuck Dixon
Art and cover by Butch Guice

It’s 1945, and Europe lies in ruins, the Nazi war machine defeated. As the United States looks east to the last remaining Axis power and the final push in a long war, a miscalculation in the Manhattan Project results in annihilation of the team of scientists developing the American atomic bomb. America's only remaining option is Operation Olympus -- the invasion of Japan! But the bloody, island-hopping campaign that brings American forces to Japan’s doorstep won’t prepare the G.I.s for the horror they will face as women, children and the few surviving Japanese soldiers begin the grim preparation for repulsion.

This brutal, revisionist look at the second World War could only be handled by master storytellers Chuck Dixon (ROBIN, TEAM ZERO) and Butch Guice (ACTION COMICS, Daredevil). Every angle of this conflict will be touched upon, from the infantry storming the beaches to the Army Air Corps bombing the home islands of the Empire of the Rising Sun to the desperate struggle of the Japanese to save their culture from annihilation, as the true meaning of “war is hell” is explored in full.

On sale July 2 • 1 of 6, 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US

• Dig the concept, but isn't Butch Guice a Marvel exclusive?

FABLES #75
Written by Bill Willingham
Art by Mark Buckingham & Steve Leialoha
Cover by James Jean

Don’t even ask us the title, because it’s a secret! Have you ever read those new-comics blurbs that promise things like, “After this issue nothing will ever be the same again,” but you know in a few months none of those so-called big events will have mattered? Well, this isn’t one of those times. This time when we say FABLES will never be the same again after this issue, that’s a promise you can take to the bank. So, without further ado: After this issue of FABLES, nothing will ever be the same again. Oh, and someone dies.
On sale July 16 • 64 pg, FC, $4.99 US • MATURE READERS

JACK OF FABLES #25
Written by Matthew Sturges & Bill Willingham
Art by Russ Braun & Andrew Pepoy
Cover by Brian Bolland

Let's face it: You already know what's going to happen in this issue. Jack’s going to do something smarmy, some creepy guy will do something creepy, an egg will explode, and a little blue pig will pontificate on weighty matters while wearing a brassiere on his head. Just another typical chapter in the life of Jack of The Tales. In this issue, however, we learn a bit more about the lovely young librarian Robin Page, and find out why she does the things she does. It’s part one of a new story, even!

On sale July 30 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • MATURE READERS

• You can say one thing about the Fables solicitations, they sure are unique!