More fun with the Atari 2600 label maker!

Yes, I have already had some fun with the Atari 2600 Label Maker:

 

Gates rants atari

But Dave of Dave's Longbox has inspired me to get even more goofy with it. Here we go!

 

Jane Austin AF

DESCRIPTION: Mr. Darcy has been kidnapped!!! Now you, as Jane Austin, must lead a team of highly trained commandos on a top secret mission! Armed with only a stunning wit and a mastery of the English language, can you even hope to over come the forces of the evil Dr. Conventional Social Mores of the Time!

 

Paris hilton

DESCRIPTION: This is the perfect game for people who think video games are too hard. What happens is Paris Hilton will do something stupid and the players will mock her. Extra points go to the first player who makes her cry or has her mother scream at you.

 

Celebrity knitting

DESCRIPTION: Can you make mittens faster than Jack Nicholson? Can you make a sweater faster than Russell Crowe? Can you make an toaster cozy faster than Will Smith? You will find out in this game as you go head to head with Hollywood's finest to see who is the best knitter in the land! YARN NOT INCLUDED.

 

Saving ll

DESCRIPTION: Co-sponsored by People and US magazines, the goal of this game is to save Lindsay Lohan's career and or life. You can play as either her rehab counselor, her agent or the LAPD. Your mission? Keep her away from her wacky parents and out of any kind of trouble.

 

Recreational gardening

DESCRIPTION: Do you like gardening, but hate getting your hands dirty, opening seed packets or even going outside? Then this game is for you! Now, from the comfort of your own home, you can experience the thrill of outdoor gardening with out ever leaving the house! No muss, no fuss!

 

Bush Atari

DESCRIPTION: In this game, you will be given a series of simple tasks and your mission will be to do them with out looking stupid. Some of the tasks include: eating a pretzel, leaving a room, and talking. For bonus points, you will be asked not to get us locked into a neverending land war in the Middle East.

 

Lolcats

DESCRIPTION: the LOLcats trend is sweeping the nation! Now, anyone can do it! In this game, players will be given a series of adorable animal pictures. The objective is to write the cutest caption ever! Extra points given to using the "perfect voice", wittiest reference to the situation, and the most heinous mangling of the human language.

 

COVERING MY BUTT: This blog post is meant to be taken in a humorous light and is intended as satire. Any similarities to real games is purely coincidental. All photos copyright their respective copyright holders.

Caption this picture of Paris Hilton being released from prison.

Courtesy of egotastic.com:

 

Paris hilton jail release

Here's mine:

-LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA: "To quote Billy Jean King, 'Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I am free at last!'" With these words, Paris Hilton enjoyed her first moments of freedom after an arduous 23 days in jail. "It is so great that all my fans came out to see me!" It is at this point that the "fans" started pelting her with rocks and garbage and chased her back to her Hollywood Hills home with torches and pitchforks.

 

At least, that's the way I wished it turned out.

California Blogging Volume Four: The Paris Hilton Dog and Pony Show...and a Meme!

Paris-hilton-crying-02

If all of you are sick and tired of the whole Paris Hilton saga, I feel your pain. Try spending that week in Los Angeles, where the story actually qualifies for local news. The story was all over the TV, local news reporters camped outside her house like the paparazzi and you could not escape it.

I am of two minds of this. One, the whole "I'm rich so I deserve special treatment" stuff annoys the hell out of me. I have to deal with that on a daily basis around the suburbs of NYC I live in. Just because you have more money does not make you a better person. It does not exempt you from the rules of common decency or the laws of the land. It simply means that you have more money.

But on the other hand, I agree with the statement "Paris" made where she said that she wished the news media would focus on other news, like, say, the war in Iraq. There is a war going on, you know. With casualties and everything.

But I think the reasons America latches on to topics like these is because they want to get angry about something but are afraid to get angry about the war or the crappy job the President is doing. Railing on against Paris Hilton is safe. Railing on against the war or Bush makes you un-American. I do both, so I may be wrong in this assumption.

But the whole Hilton scandal inspired me to do something for the first time. It inspired me to create a "meme". I am very nervous to present this to you. I am pretty sure I did it wrong, because, mainly, I have no idea exactly what a "meme" is. And Wikipedia was of no help I used red lettering and all the "memes" I saw used white is this a cardinal sin? I don't know. I mispelled "You're", which seems to happen alot in these things. If I did screw up, blame Jeff. He inspired me to do it.

Well, here it is:

 

Paris meme

California Blogging, Volume two: Paris Hilton: Free at last!

 

Parishiltoninpokey

So, I woke up horribly this morning. The first thing I saw, THE FIRST THING, when I turned on the TV at the hotel was that Paris Hilton was released from prison. After serving, what, a whopping four days in jail. Now, I shouldn't be so harsh. The sheriff's department said she was released due to "health reasons". What were they?

Terminal richness and chronic case of celebrity.

No, no. It was that. The real reason has yet to be released, but rumor say it could be anything from a rash to a possible nervous breakdown.

Awww, isn't that so sad! She was going to have a widdle iddle nervous bweakdown. Boo hoo hoo!

I'm sure that if her name was Juan Dominquez or her net worth was under $10,000 dollars see would still be in prison. I mean, isn't the whole idea of prison to introduce a breakdown in the people who go there? Heck, she was all by herself in a cell. She had a cotton candy, ice cream prison experience. No communal showers, no threats from other inmates. And that was too tough. Wah, wah, wah.

 Los Angeles would have just been better suited not even letting her get any prison time. I mean, it was laughable when they reduced her sentence from 45 days to 23 days for "good behavior". This is downright hilarious.

The sheriff department's spokesman stressed that her sentence was simply converted to a house arrest situation. She is still being punished! By being forced to spend time in her Hollywood mansion with her pets and having her friends coming over and having parties. And heck, she could even leave the house for 48 Hours a week! She already called in her hair and makeup people so she could "forget the whole prison experience" with a new look.

There night be an optomist out there who thinks that she has finally learned her lesson. I think not. All she did was prove that while the people who operate the legal system out here might be ashamed for the rest of the world thinking they have gone light on punishing celebrities, they don't really have the guts to do anything to change that image.

Since I am out here, I was considering going to Hilton's mansion and offering a protest to her getting off light. But I would probably be arrested and sentenced to prison. And I feel I would be in there longer that just four frikkin days.     

PARIS IN THE POKEY UPDATE: California legal system goes back to sucking.

CNN.com announces that Paris Hilton's jail time has lessened from 45 days to 23 days because of good behavior.

What is this good behavior?

"Her sentence was shortened after jail officials gave her credit for good behavior, Whitmore said. Officials considered several factors in calculating the credit, including that she appeared for her latest court date, he said."

So, she gets her sentence reduced for showing up for a court date. A date that she was legally obligated to attend. Or she could have face even more jail time. That's not good behavior. That's logical behavior. She shouldn't be rewarded for doing something she was supposed to do.

On top of that, she's not even going to be in with the regular population. She's going to be in a "special needs housing unit", usually reserved for "police officers, public officials, celebrities and other high-profile inmates."

Well, at least she's still going to be in jail, although that might change before June 5th.

Paris Hilton is headed to the Pokey!!!

Parishiltoninpokey

The world got some good news today. Paris Hilton is heading to jail for 45 days for violating her plea agreement for a drunk driving arrest in September.

Why am I so happy about this? Is it because I don't like Paris Hilton? Partly.

She is essentially famous for nothing. She thinks that the world should bow down to her, that normal rules don't apply to her, just because her grandfather's father earn a boatload of dough.

Now, I'm just as surprised as she is that she's going to jail. I mean, this was Los Angeles, a town where if you are famous. you can get away with almost anything.But, in this case, Justice was served.

Well, it was if you ask anyone outside of the Hilton family. Now, you'd thing if you or your daughter was sentenced to jail time because she blatantly broke the law, that would be a call to reexamine your priorities. Maybe try to change from a spoiled brat to a responsible citizen. But noooooo. Not with Paris or her mom.

When the prosecutor said Paris deserved jail time, her mother Kathy laughed (as per this report on CNN.com). When the judge passed his sentence, she blurted out "May I have your autograph?" Yeah, the judge is only sentencing your daughter to jail time because he wants to be famous.

Kathy Hilton then had this to say to reporters outside the court when asked what she thought:"What do you think? This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayer money with all this nonsense. This is a joke." 

Okay, she's not learning anything. But how about Paris. Well, this is what she had to say about it: "I feel that I was treated unfairly and that the sentence is both cruel and unwarranted and I don't deserve this." (Source: CNN.com) 

Unfair? Unwarranted? Maybe she's right let's look at the facts.

On September 7, 2007, Paris was arrested after driving erratically. They did a breathalizer, and she came back with a .08, above the limit.

She pleaded no contest to reckless driving in January of this year. Her punishment? Her license would be suspended for 90 days, she got 36 months of probation, had to take mandatory alcohol education classes and had to pay $1,500 in fines.

Hmm, that to me seems totally unfair. She should have gotten a heavier sentence. SHE WAS DRIVING DRUNK! $1,500 in fines? She spends more than that in five minutes of shopping.

Okay, so on January 15th, she was pulled over by the cops. At this time, she was made to sign a document saying that she knew that she wasn't allowed to drive. I repeat, she was made to sign a document saying that she wasn't allowed to drive. Okay?

Her explanation for this? Oh, she thought the cop was wrong and she didn't read what she signed.

I am going to draw up a contract stating that she is going to give me $20 million dollars. Then, I'm going to ask her for her autograph. Why play the lottery when it's that simple to make money?

On February 27th, she was pulled over for driving without her lights on. DRIVING WITHOUT HER LIGHTS ON! A MONTH AND A HALF AFTER SIGNING A DOCUMENT SAYING THAT SHE KNEW THAT SHE WASN"T SUPPOSED TO DRIVE!

Now, if you are going to flagrantly break the law, shouldn't you do so in a way so as to not draw attention to yourself?

Oh, and that alcohol education class? She was supposed to start it by February 12th. By April 17th, she still hadn't begun them.

Her excuses? Her publicist (who she fired after the court verdict) told her she could drive. No, not a lawyer, not a judge, but her publicist. She didn't read the thing that cop made her sign, but she takes the advice of her publicist.

So, is her prison sentence unwarranted? Unfair? I don't think so. She was not allowed to drive. She drove. Twice. (at least that's how many times she got caught.) She was flagrant in her disregard to her sentence. If she got community service or house arrest, she still would have drove. Not that I think the prison time will have any effect on the way she acts, but I think that it's warranted and fair.