I'm bored, so I'm going to go back to something I did on my Friendster blogs, which was make snarky comments about the movies due to come out this week, predict how they are going to do at the box office, and then laugh at how truly wrong I was. So, here we go.
1. The Condemned (2,310 Theaters): 10 People fight, 9 die. We watch. A handy take off on The Most Dangerous Game. I have several plot predictions about this movie. A) The last two will be Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vinnie Jones. Why? Because they are the biggest names in the cast. B) The last person standing will be Stone Cold. Why? Because the WWE is producing this film and it is a starring vehicle for him. And C) After Stone Cold defeats Vinnie, he will go after the people who set the whole thing up. Why? Because that's what Stone Cold does.
2. The Invisible (2,000 Theaters): The story of a teen in a coma, who is presumed dead. The only way he can stay alive is to solve his own murder. Oh, did I mention he is having an out of body experience? It's written and directed by David Goyer (Batman Begins, Blade), so it's got that going for it. It also has the "I can be a ghost even though I am only in a coma" thing that Just Like Heaven" had too, and that plot point hasn't gotten any less goofy.
3. Next (2, 500 Theaters): Nic Cage can see the future. The military wants to get their hands on him, but all he wants to do is to stop the end of the world. Don't you hate that? When government agents get in the way of your saving humanity? The story is adapted from a Philip K. Dick novel, which, in my opinion, is always a good thing. But instead of the "Saving the World: scenario, a far more interesting story would be how Nic Cage uses his powers to get Jessica Biel, a woman at least 20 years younger and infinitely hotter, to be his girlfriend. Because he'd have to use his future powers to make that happen. "Yeah, he may be older than me, but he always knows exactly what to say when I am feeling down, always gets me the perfect gifts on my birthday." Seriously, I'd be interested to see that.
4. Kickin' It Old Skool (1,500 Theaters): And then there's this. The story of a break dancer who hits his head, ends up in a coma and awakens 20 years later to try and get his breakdancing team back together. I SMELL OSCAR!!!! No, actually, that's the mayonaise in the kitchen. I think it's gone bad. Gotta hand it to Jamie Kennedy, he took a small part in Scream and turned it to a career, by adding dollops of "I'm a white-boy hip-hop" persona to himself. Saddest thing about this movie is that it co-stars Michael "Smallville's Lex Luthor" Rosenbaum. I worry about him. He kicks ass so much on that show that he should be acting in so much better movies.
So, how do I think the top 5 for this weekend will look?
- The Invisible
- Fracture
- Disturbia
- Next
- Condemned
I think Invisible has a funky enough concept and shares enough of the same audience as Disturbia as to take viewers away from it. Of course, I could be and probably am, wrong, stop back on Sunday or Monday to find out.
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