I have a Friendster account I never use. Back when social networking was new, yes, I was active on Friendster. Then I moved to MySpace and then to Facebook. But, now I hardly ever look at Friendster (or MySpace for that matter).
But the one charming aspect of Friendster is that their spam stoppers aren't as good MySpace or Facebook. So, in other words I get the occasional spam message from porn sites trying to trick me into visiting them.
And by charming I mean like a four-year old tying to pick up a barbell. I know that it will never work, but that doesn't stop them from trying.
Over the last few weeks, I got four messages from these spammers. Since I haven't posted here in a while, I thought a post mocking them would be an easy way to add content.
Here we go:
FIRST SPAM:
From: Pauline
MISTAKE #1: If you are trying to trick someone in to thinking this message was from someone they know, pick a common first name. Pauline isn't all that common. As a matter of fact, I don't think in all of my 37 years have I ever met a Pauline.
Subject: Are you ok? william Gatevackes
MISTAKE #2: Through a dunderheaded blunder, I forgot to capitalize the "w" in William when I made my Friendster. However, this has come in handy, because it automatically lets me know that this is just a spammer who copied my name off of Friendster's list.
MISTAKE #3: Outside of the strictest ironical sense, when do you ever refer to your friends by their full name?
MISTAKE #4: That's pretty wonky grammar there, isn't it?
Message: How long i can't see you? Are you ok? And then a link to a website called Adult Date Action.
MISTAKE #5: "How long i can't see you?" How. long. i (not lack of capitalization). can't. see. you. Even robots are smarter than the yabbo that wrote this line. It makes it sound like Pauline is in prison, which she probably is.
MISTAKE #6: I think the meant "How have you been?". "Are you ok?" makes me believe that maybe a nuclear power plant exploded in my back yard and I don't know about it.
MISTAKE #7: Not only is there no lead up to the website link, like "Hey, check out my picture of my cat!," they don't even mask the fact that it is for a porn dating site.
SECOND SPAM:
From: Minnie
MISTAKE #1: Minnie is even more uncommon than Pauline
Subject: Hi, william Gatevackes
MISTAKE #2: Simple, yet the small "w" still got them.
Message: hi i was surfing around profiles for guys near me and i stumbled on your profile. im sure you hear this alot but i think you are pretty cute and i was wondering if you'd want to perhaps get to know me a little bit better?
MISTAKE #3: Decisive lack of capitalization.
MISTAKE #4: I am not cute. You can't even mistake me for cute.
MISTAKE #5: The biggest one of all. You expect me to believe that you have looked all around Friendster, and the thousands of men on it, and you expect me to believe that you think I'm a catch!?! Um...I'M MARRIED!!! IT SAYS SO ON MY PROFILE!!!! WHERE ANY MORON CAN SEE!!!!
My fear that there are morons out their who would fall for this and have an otherwise good marriage broken up because they decided to chase after a fake hoochie.
THIRD SPAM:
From: Sandi
Subject:Holy sh!t...
Message: i've been getting so many visitors from myspace on {ADULT SITE} here, it's unbelivable...I mean I spend 10 hours a day {ADULT SITE} and I damn like it...you better get your ass there too
MISTAKE #1: This one did pretty good up to the message. I know a few Sandy's, and a couple of them might use a subect line so vulgar. But when you. as a spammer, don't know which social messaging sit you are posting your spanm on, really, you don't deserve to be in the spam business. Where's the pride?
MISTAKE #2: And putting the link to the pornsite in twice? Tacky.
FOURTH SPAM:
From: Kami
MISTAKE #1: Unless you are a character in a video game, odds are that you will not know a person named Kami.
Subject: I like your profile.
MISTAKE #2: Flattery will get you nowhere.
Message: you like mine? I bet you like my pics :)..well don't bother with compliments,I get enough already. You can get your ass over [ADULT SITE} at my favorite place to hang out on the internet.
MISTAKE #3: Bold choice, thinking lonely guys would like to look at pictures of an arrogant asshole, but doesn't really work with me.
